Confessions
…More than once this past week, I reached a point of frustration beyond all others and told my son to, “just leave me alone.”
…And then I watched Courageous
…I walked past someone I know in Walmart and didn’t speak. Intentionally. Because frankly, I just didn’t have anything to say to them.
…I threw a handful of Lego’s across the living room after stepping on them for the one-thousandth time that day. They clattered and clanged and bounced everywhere and I had to pick them up, but in that moment, it felt good to just let that frustration out.
…I hate laundry more than I hate anything else in this entire world (almost). In fact, if I could, I’d buy new clothes everyday just so I didn’t have to wash, dry and fold up clothes.
…I got my new camera in the mail on Friday and have only taken a handful of photos with it. I’m honestly a bit overwhelmed by the newness and the capabilities of it. Things that I didn’t have the power to change or manipulate on my old camera are now at my disposal. And I just don’t feel “able” to figure it out right this minute.
…I’m so beyond over people and their egos. Their “my business is better than your business;” “my blog is more popular than your blog;” “my family is perfect and yours isn’t” garbage is just enough.
…I’m starting to wonder if the reason I’m not pregnant yet and the reason we’re having ZERO luck with having another baby is because I am just not cut out to be a parent to more than one child. Bad days with Little Man (and bad weeks, like this past week was) leave me feeling drained, unaccomplished and like a complete letdown as a parent. Could I really handle two children?
…I have a hard time finding inspiration to take new pictures. I love my 52 Faces Challenge because it’s sole intent is to photograph Little Man. But the ordinary, everyday things that some people just make look so beautiful? I just don’t feel confident in photographing those things. Because frankly, I find it hard to believe that what we have going on here in our house is that interesting.
…My best friend and her family are on a 20-something day vacation in California. They took their little girl (Little Man’s BFF) to Disneyland for the first time. I’m more jealous of the fact that they got to leave this island than the fact that they are at Disney. Because truthfully, I just want to go to Target and eat Olive Garden.
…Island Fever? Yep. Got it.
…Weeks like last week make me somewhat regret the fact that we don’t live closer to family and that I don’t have anyone to really help with Little Man. I’d have given almost anything last week to have had my mom or the husband’s mom around to watch Noah for a few hours. Just so I could come home, sit on the couch and enjoy the complete silence.
…I’m absolutely loving two guilty pleasure TV shows right now: Revenge and Gossip Girl (thanks to Kathryn!). If Blair and Chuck don’t end up together and SOON, I’m going to throw the remote at my TV. And don’t even get me started on the fake Amanda Clark and the fact that she finally left the show.
…I bought The Resolution for Women
…I slept till at least 10:00 every day last week, till 11:00 Saturday and 12:00 on Sunday. And not once did I feel guilty. Not once did I think that maybe I should get up and do something productive. Because for once I just didn’t care.
…I let Little Man eat Cheetos for breakfast one day last week. And drink half of my Dr. Pepper. Just because I didn’t feel like standing in the kitchen to debate “milk or no milk?” and “Cookie Crisp or Cinnamon Toast Crunch?” for 30 minutes. So Cheetos it was. (Don’t throw rocks at me…things like that really don’t happen in our house but once in a blue moon.)
…I washed three loads of clothes one day last week, and put every load in the dryer together just so I didn’t have to take the one that was already in there out and fold it.
What’s on your mind? Have something you need to confess?
Linking up with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Wednesday’s Pour Your Heart Out.
Thank you for this, I have to remind myself that test make me strong. Humility and surrender puts the power of love from God, and to remain true to self means to not forget that I was created in his beautiful creation…he runs the show, I like but we enjoy it for what is in this world. Dr. Pepper, sleeping in, and any other joy doesn’t come without having to go through some type of a frustration or test…because we can’t score it appropriately.
Thank you for your post.
Hi Courtney! I just found your blog on the picket fences website & just subscribed. We have some things in common…well, mommyhood of course! But I am also a graphic designer & love photography. I look forward to reading more of your posts. If you get a chance, stop by my little space, here: http://www.mommyhoodbyjess.com ~Jessica
[…] be more excited to have her. She’s just getting back from an extended vacation (remember me mentioning how jealous I was of a friend who just jetted off to California? Yeah..) so she’ll be sharing next week on Exposure and Lighting as well as in the coming […]
Oh my goodness! I’m soooo happy I “lurked” 🙂 and found your blog! You literally just made me feel sane…I can relate to everything.
Life just gets overwhelming and we need our lil moments.
I have 2 boys under 2…and a 24hr drive from family. (we’re military too)
Island fever kicked in a month after my first was born.
Finding you just made my year 🙂 thank you.
You are a wonderful Mommy!!!
Aww, yay! I’m happy you lurked your way over, too! Always excited to have new readers! I can’t imagine 2 under 2…I know you have your hands full. Being a military family is hard work. Some people don’t realize the stress of NOT having family around. I hope you find some alone time, soon! And I hope to see you popping up in the comment section more often! 🙂
I love that you put it all out there, Courtney! Oh my, I’ve *so* been there and like you, feel so badly afterwards!
And seriously? No stones about the cheetos! Some days are like that! 🙂
That you, love! Some days are just a cheetos and Easy Mac kind of day. 🙂
Oh Courtney, I’m so sorry you’re having such a bad week. I’m sure it’s so hard having Noah all on your own without family to help out – an no Mother’s Day Out! I think I’d be a wreak! Those two mornings a week make such a difference in my day. I really hope you can find some way to give you a bit of a break. Our swimming lessons place has a weekly camp for a few hours. Do y’all have something like that?
Just know that this mama stuff is hard, hard work! You’re doing a great job!! We all have crazy days. And cheetos for breakfast? – awesome!
It is hard; sometimes harder than usual. But we survive. I get some extra sleep or the husband gives me a few hours break and I’m okay for another week or two. We’re investigating a few options here on base, but haven’t found anything that stands out just yet. Just praying that we find something that is ideal for ALL of us. 🙂 Hope you get some much needed rest, too! Hugs!
I hate laundry, too. My dirty clothes are all over a chair and my clean ones {aka the ones I have actually bothered to wash} are stacked on top of the dryer. It’s getting harder and harder to get dressed in the morning, but clearly that still hasn’t motivated me to put my closet in order.
This is the part of my comment where I give you the look that says, “DON’T guilt yourself. I see you guilting yourself!” Your inability to get pregnant right now DOES NOT MEAN you are only cut out to parent one child. I don’t have words to give you as any sort of anchor to hold on to, because you have been so raw with your feelings about this, and it’s not something I have any experience with. Really, I just want to give you a hug and take you to Target and buy you some Starbucks and tell you I’m praying. And although I can’t do most of the things on that list, please know I’m praying.
That sounds like my husband. He has drop piles of clean and dirty stuff all over the bedroom. 🙂 Thank you for your sweet words! And if we are ever in the same general vicinity of each other, I am definitely taking you up on the trip to Target and Starbucks! 🙂