Things You Don’t Say to a Pregnant Woman
I’ve always been one of those people who takes extra precaution when talking to people. I don’t assume someone is pregnant just by the way they look. I don’t generally ask people when they are planning to have kids and/or add to their family. After struggling for a year trying to get pregnant with Jonah and hearing those kinds of questions for months on end, I keep my mouth shut. You never know what someone has been going through. There are just some things that you shouldn’t make comments about unless you really know someone. And even then, there are some statements that should be left unsaid.
I thought that I’d get by this pregnancy without getting frustrated with the stupid comments coming out of people’s mouths. Despite the fact that my hormones have been out of whack, I’ve managed to not get annoyed with some of the comments and statements so far. Most people are generally excited for us; making comments about how fun it’s going to be to have another child and sharing tales of pregnancy and newborn stages with me. Those things make me excited and always create interesting conversations.
But, some things?
Some statements?
They drive me nuts.
Like hearing people say over and over and over again how “we must be really disappointed that this baby isn’t a girl.” Because apparently having one son means that you are automatically not supposed to want another. That since Jonah is going to be a boy, we are supposed to be unhappy that we aren’t having a girl instead. Seriously?!
Or statements regarding my weight or belly size. Yes. I am gaining weight. Surprise, surprise. What pregnant woman doesn’t expect to put on 25-30 pounds when she discovers she’s having a baby? The thing is, none of the people making comments about my size are doctors. Nor do any of them realize that despite the size of my ever expanding belly, I have only gained 10 pounds. Which puts me perfectly on target to hit my weight this time.
Nor do they know that apparently my body doesn’t know how to gain weight all over the place. It seems that I’m just one of those pregnant people who gains in the belly. And that’s okay with me. Unlike last pregnancy, I am actually feeling extremely good about my size, weight and pregnant physique. I don’t particularly like being pregnant. But I’m okay with how I look and I’m comfortable with myself and what’s going on. I’m growing a miracle. Period.
Or how people who just had their first baby (within the last few months) try to offer me advice on how to take care of a newborn. Supposedly having not caused any major harm raised one child for almost four years doesn’t make me qualified to know how to take care of a newborn. I’ve done the all night feedings. The colic. The teething. The fussiness. The not eating. Trust me…if it’s an infant issue, Noah had it; and we are fully prepared to deal with it again. I know how to take care of a newborn.
But, I think the worst is when people make comments about Noah. Or how he’ll adjust. Or just assuming that he’s not going to adapt to having a baby brother around. I know there will be an adjustment period. I know that it’s going to take some time for him to get used to not being the one and only around here. I know that he’s probably going to throw tantrums and fits to get our attention. But, that doesn’t mean he won’t adjust. Or that he won’t be a good brother. Or that he’s going to act like a spoiled little brat for the next 10 years.
Needless to say, no matter how hard I try, I get frustrated with the ignorant comments people make sometimes. Yes. I’m pregnant. And hormonal. And fluffy. And swollen. And sore. And hungry. I’m all of those things. But I’m also a seasoned veteran and know what I’m doing. At least, when it comes to birthing a child and rocking the newborn phase. Will I have to make adjustments over time? Of course. Who doesn’t? But, I don’t need unwelcome negative and rude comments to get me through until then.
By the way…aside from the completely hysterical “mean” face Noah’s making that matches the mood I was in when I wrote this post, the photos included here have nothing to do with this post at all. In case you didn’t know…Also linking this post up with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out.
Yes, yes, and yes!! Especially the part about the worst is when they make comments about your firstborn. I’m due in October with my second and everyone keeps talking about how my daughter is going to act when her brother comes. Adjustment? Sure. But we’re all gonna be just fine here, don’t you all worry about us.
Great post!
That’s been the most annoying to me. I understand that there will be an adjustment period. But that doesn’t mean that my oldest is going to hate his baby brother or not want anything to do with him, etc. We’ll all manage just fine. 🙂
I love this post… seriously. People lose their filter when they talk to someone who is pregnant. I remember when I was pregnant with the twins and someone told me they knew of a twin mom who’s skin actually ripped from being stretched so far. AS IF I NEEDED TO KNOW THAT. EVER. Anyway – I love the post.
LOL Talk about an over share!
Those pictures are priceless! I’d have to add that it really angers me that complete strangers think they have a say in whether we find out the gender of our babies. When I was preggo with #2 and already had a son people naturally assumed that I would want a girl. They went ballistic when I said we weren’t finding out until the baby was born. For the record #2 was a girl and #3 a boy.
I know what you mean. We got lots of information on why we should and shouldn’t find out the gender of our baby. Someone even told us that we HAD to find out because “if it wasn’t what we wanted we’d be disappointed and it might take time to adjust.” Last I checked we wanted a healthy baby…boy or girl.
Some people are talented in the area of speaking before they think.
When I was pregnant (10 years ago) I hated people coming up and rubbing my belly without asking first.
Um REALLY? You must ask first before you invade my bubble. Please and thank you!
Ewww. I hate that too. Personal space people, personal space. Do I walk around and rub on you? Get your hands OFF my belly. LOL
Oh my goodness! I know how you feel, with people saying things or acting like they know better than you! My MIL is currently asking about #2, when she knows darn well it took 18 months for us to get pregnant with #1, and the way they talk about A & how she needs siblings and yadda yadda it’s like goodness leave us alone!
Oh good grief. We got that, too. Everyone in our family KNEW that we were trying to get pregnant. And I still got the “Noah’s not getting any younger…there’s going to be a big age gap…do you want to be 30 when this second baby is born?” comments. Like I could help the fact that it took 12 months. Give me a break.
I know exactly how you feel, I nodded along and laughed a little throughout the whole post! Some people are ignorant, others are mean, and others simply don’t think before they speak. p.s. that first picture is just too adorable!
Thank you! Yep. I blame ignorance for most people. It’s like they just don’t register how stupid their comments sound.
Oh my goodness, the one about being disappointed it’s not a girl? I STILL get that. All. The. Time. If I go out and have the kids with me, strangers will stop me to make comments about all of my boys. Then they start with the “I’m so sorry you don’t have a girl”. Really? Because I’m not. I love my boys!
Anyway… 😉 I completely relate to this post. I don’t understand why people lose their filter as soon as they see a pregnant woman. It is so irritating.
Yep. I got the same comment from a brand new neighbor yesterday. She asked if we knew what we were having and I said “another little boy!” And she said, “Oh…I’m sorry” like it was a bad thing. I must have missed the memo that said I was supposed to be disappointed or upset because this baby isn’t a girl.
My SIL just found out she’s pregnant and I’ll be visiting them soon. Good reminder on what to avoid! 🙂
Congratulations to her!! And glad that I could help. LOL
Oh dear. The things people say. You have to have A LOT of patience!! 🙂
I have never been pregnant as it isn’t possible for us so I do however have plenty of experience with insensitive and prying questions. Even from people who knew we couldn’t have children. I had some things said to me that were unbelievable to me. So it makes me very careful with what if anything I say about children to others.
We adopted though and you know, I think I could probably write my own list on that!:) Topping that list would be “Oh you know, maybe once you’ve adopted you’ll have one of your own!” And perhaps topping the list for infertility (especially medically diagnosed) would be “Just relax about it. It’ll happen when you relax your body.” Sorry I may sound a little bit biter (I*m actually not:) but I liken that to telling someone with any disease just relax and your cancer, diabetes, etc., will disappear!
Anyway, great post and congrats on your pregnancy!:)
Exactly. Someone who has never struggled with getting pregnant or been down that road shouldn’t even begin to THINK about commenting on someone “being patient” when trying to have a baby. We had trouble for a year, and even now I’m hesitant to say anything to anyone who has struggled or continues to struggle getting pregnant.
I’m constantly astounded by how rude people can be. We often deal with the “know it all’s” too, as they tell me all about how much we’re screwing up our kiddo by choosing to have only one.
Like that’s anyone else’s business. We debated for a long time on whether we wanted to have just one or have more than one. We *almost* decided to let Noah be the only child. You do what’s right for your family. Who cares what everyone else says, right?