I'm a Single Mama doing what I love and fueled by Grace, Mercy, and a whole lot of coffee. I'm so glad you are here!
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I'm Courtney.
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Thoughts on having a Big Family
It’s no secret that the husband and I are trying to have a second child.
It’s also no secret that five months in, we haven’t had much success.
We’ve been spending a lot of time with friends lately who have four+ kids…
And I’m starting to wonder if we could ever be a “big” family.
I see friends with their families, their four children, and wonder why not us?
Growing up I had this whole “four child” theory for my future family. By default four was the ideal number. When you have only one child, there is the only child syndrome that arises; with only two kids, you run the risk of your children not getting along and having no other sibling to turn to. With three kids, their is the illusive “middle child” syndrome (and you’re at an uneven number so pairing kiddos up to ride rides at theme parks is a headache). So, naturally, four just seems to “fit.”
*Note: This isn’t to criticize anyone for their choice of how many kids you have. This was a “theory” that I developed as a teenager without the slightest clue what went into parenting…
I love my son. More than life itself. And even in the midst of the terrible three’s and crazy tantrums, I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Granted, during those crazy fits I wonder how on Earth I could handle life with a second child…much less a third or a fourth.
And there are things to consider when it comes to adding to our family as well. Finances, the husband’s military career, my career…
Not something to take lightly or a decision to be made thoughtlessly.
I’ve often heard people say that you know, subconsciously, when you’re “done” having children. When your heart is as full as it can be and you’ve reached a point where your family feels complete.
If that’s true, then I know for a fact our family isn’t complete. And we aren’t done having children.
Maybe I’m greedy…or selfish. Or whatever else it is that people call women who want more than the society accepted “two” kids. But a house full of children…a big family…it makes my heart ache a bit.
Sometimes I feel called to take that big leap of faith and just “see what happens” when it comes to our family. After all, pregnancy isn’t guaranteed when you stop preventing it and I know, in my heart, that it’s all in God’s hands and his timing.
How did you know when you were done having kids? Did you reach the point where you just “felt” that your family was complete?
I love your theory on why four is the perfect number, haha. I want four because I only had one sibling and although I love him to death, I wouldn’t have minded having another sibling for the times that P and I didn’t get along.
Then again, it was nice to actually have my own bedroom.
I agree. I always wanted another for the same reason. 🙂
Like I posted on twitter, finances will definitely play a role in # of children. But my sanity as well as the hubby’s will also play part. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle, but we have to listen to what He’s telling us we can handle too 🙂
I’d love 2 more babies, we had our precious 2, 15 1/2 months apart (NOT PLANNED). I already feel that our home isn’t quite complete yet, but we’re waiting. We’re enjoying our 2 young ones and learning them first.
Will be praying for God’s work in your sweet family!
You are absolutely correct. We have to know our own limits. And there is so much to consider. I don’t agree with the mentality that you can do what you want and expect to be taken care of. I agree that God provides, but I think it’s our own personal responsibility to analyze whether or not we can support more children. Finances are a big consideration for us and the husband’s job. We have to travel a lot being military and there is always the possibility of separation and deployment. It’s a heavy burden on our decision making. Thanks always for your prayers. They are most certainly appreciated! 🙂
we literally just looked at each other across the dinner table one night and said, “yep, this is it!” just two girls. but, four is the right number for us. sometimes, it feels like a lot more . . . especially with Moose 😉
LOL I agree. There are four of us now, if you count the dog, and she’s a handful all on her own. 🙂 Gotta love them though.
I have no idea if we are done or not. Some days I think we are and other days I think maybe not. I’m waiting for my big neon sign from God. Any day now….
I still think you guys need ONE more. 🙂 Just one….LOL
We have 2 and I want another. My heart literally aches for 1 more. My hubs isn’t convinced though. So for now we are careful and I just pray god either softens his heart on the matter or changes mine. Either way we have two amazing kiddos already. Keep praying about it, you’ll get your answer.
If it’s meant for you guys to have another, then I’m certain God will soften your husband’s heart. It took some time for my husband to decide he was ready for a second as well, so I know God can change your husband’s heart, too. 🙂 Sending prayers your way as you guys decide what’s best for your family!
I’ve always wanted a big family, and still do. I know I’m not done and we’re trying for more. When it is the right time, it will happen, for both of us. In the meantime? Sending you luck and baby dust!
Thanks love! So happy to know that I have YOU here with me in this journey. Always here to talk if you need an ear or a shoulder to cry on. 🙂
We had two children and thought life was perfect. Until, 6 years following the birth of that 2nd child I found myself pregnant again. And then, well 3 years after that, again. So, we have two sets, a boy and girl in each set, all three years apart and 6 years between the sets. Not something I would have ever picked, but God certainly knows what He’s doing.
You are absolutely right. HE knows the best time for everything and in my heart, I’m aware of that. It’s a daily decision to trust him and his timing. 😉
We always thought we wanted 4 kids. But, we thought they would be spaced a little differently. After having three so close, we decided our family was complete.
Even if I do occasionally get that baby ache, I am okay with being done.
I think we all get the baby ache from time to time. Must be one of those hormonal “woman” things. 🙂 I saw I want 4 now, but ask me that again after a second comes along. I may change my mind.
I’ve always thought four was the perfect number too! Now, as much as I believe that, after struggling with miscarriages and wondering if I could it all over again, part of me feels I could be happy at two. I would say one, however I really want Cameron to have a sibling.
I can’t wait to see how our families grow!
A friend of ours has 4 boys and has had 4 miscarriages herself. It’s definitely something that weighs on my heart. But, like you, I don’t want Noah to be the only child. I didn’t always get along with my sister (and still don’t) but it’s nice to know that we will always have each other when something happens to our parents.
It will be exciting to see our families grow and change over the years! What an adventure!
Right there with you, my friend. We’re trying for a 2nd, but who knows if it’s going to happen. I am one of 4, and I always thought I’d have a bigger family. (I wanted 3 – four seems like a lot of kids!) We started too late for that, though, and my husband really only wants 2. I might feel differently if our lives had gone differently, but for now I’d really just like a 2nd.
And, like you, my family’s not complete yet. Here’s hoping, for both of us.