Even in Chaos, I am Blessed.

Yesterday was one of “those” days.

You know which ones I’m talking about. I don’t know if it’s something with the moon (ever notice how the moon gets the blame when our kids are driving us nuts?) or what. But it wasn’t a good day.

There were spankings. Time outs. Whining. Fussing. Crying. Clingy-ness. Spilled drinks. Lots of crumbs. Tantrums. Meltdowns. Squished chocolate poptart in my couch. Lots of boogers and tissue (since everyone in our house has a cold). There was mean mommy and yelling. There was name calling (Noah did, in fact, call me a booger head when I put him in time out the second time today).

By the time bedtime rolled around, I was itching to get the kids to sleep. I got impatient and frustrated when Jonah wouldn’t go to sleep. Standing over his crib, rubbing his tiny little tummy, I prayed silently that he’d just “go to sleep already!” so I could have some peace and quiet for a few minutes.

When Noah asked for a story, I told him no. He didn’t use his manners or use his good behavior today, so we weren’t reading a story. “Bedtime stories are a privilege,” I said. Then I hastily kissed his cheek and his forehead, gave him a hug, told him I loved him and said good night.

I plopped down the stairs, tripping over a Lincoln Log in the process (which I then kicked down the stairs) and collapsed on the couch. Even told my husband that the kids were driving me batty and that I needed a vacation from being a mama for a bit.

I felt guilty the moment I said it. I really did. Because God knows that I adore my children and couldn’t imagine my life without them. But that doesn’t change the fact that I said it.

I do my Quiet Time in the evening when everyone else goes to bed. It’s really the only time I can get one on one time with God in the stillness of the late hours. Before I pulled out my Bible and my journal, I prayed that God would send me a message. That he would send me a message on how to deal with days like this…how to deal with the bad behavior and attitude we’ve been struggling with with Noah for the last few days.

I opened up She Reads Truth to do the days devotion, and saw that there were two new posts. One being the devotion, the other being a cry for prayers for Diana Stone and her family who just lost their three week old son…after having already lost her twin boys a few years ago.

God’s message for me was clear.

“YOU ARE BLESSED.”

And blessed I am. My boys are both tucked safely away in their beds. I was able to hug them, kiss them, snuggle them and love on them before they went to bed. Today, despite the rockiness, we were able to laugh together, giggle, and play games. I gave them their baths. I picked out their clothes. We watched some cartoons and played airplanes.

My boys are healthy and safe. And here with me.

And it was a realization of just how fortunate I am.

So, I’ll hang my head in mommy shame at the way I acted yeserday; realizing that I am the adult and should have done better. Should have loved more, forgiven quicker, and had more patience. I’ll sneak into my biggest boys room and stroke his hair and love on him one more time before I turn in. I’ll stand silently at the crib railing and watch my itty bitty breath in and out as he rests. When they both decide at 3:00 am that they want to be snuggled up in mama and daddy’s bed, I’ll scoot over and let them in.

Because we don’t know what tomorrow brings.

And I’d rather head into a new day knowing that I squeezed as much love out of these two babies TODAY as I could.

Be completely humble and gentle, bearing with one another in love…” -Ephesians 4:2