Confessions
…More than once this past week, I reached a point of frustration beyond all others and told my son to, “just leave me alone.”
…And then I watched Courageous
…I walked past someone I know in Walmart and didn’t speak. Intentionally. Because frankly, I just didn’t have anything to say to them.
…I threw a handful of Lego’s across the living room after stepping on them for the one-thousandth time that day. They clattered and clanged and bounced everywhere and I had to pick them up, but in that moment, it felt good to just let that frustration out.
…I hate laundry more than I hate anything else in this entire world (almost). In fact, if I could, I’d buy new clothes everyday just so I didn’t have to wash, dry and fold up clothes.
…I got my new camera in the mail on Friday and have only taken a handful of photos with it. I’m honestly a bit overwhelmed by the newness and the capabilities of it. Things that I didn’t have the power to change or manipulate on my old camera are now at my disposal. And I just don’t feel “able” to figure it out right this minute.
…I’m so beyond over people and their egos. Their “my business is better than your business;” “my blog is more popular than your blog;” “my family is perfect and yours isn’t” garbage is just enough.
…I’m starting to wonder if the reason I’m not pregnant yet and the reason we’re having ZERO luck with having another baby is because I am just not cut out to be a parent to more than one child. Bad days with Little Man (and bad weeks, like this past week was) leave me feeling drained, unaccomplished and like a complete letdown as a parent. Could I really handle two children?
…I have a hard time finding inspiration to take new pictures. I love my 52 Faces Challenge because it’s sole intent is to photograph Little Man. But the ordinary, everyday things that some people just make look so beautiful? I just don’t feel confident in photographing those things. Because frankly, I find it hard to believe that what we have going on here in our house is that interesting.
…My best friend and her family are on a 20-something day vacation in California. They took their little girl (Little Man’s BFF) to Disneyland for the first time. I’m more jealous of the fact that they got to leave this island than the fact that they are at Disney. Because truthfully, I just want to go to Target and eat Olive Garden.
…Island Fever? Yep. Got it.
…Weeks like last week make me somewhat regret the fact that we don’t live closer to family and that I don’t have anyone to really help with Little Man. I’d have given almost anything last week to have had my mom or the husband’s mom around to watch Noah for a few hours. Just so I could come home, sit on the couch and enjoy the complete silence.
…I’m absolutely loving two guilty pleasure TV shows right now: Revenge and Gossip Girl (thanks to Kathryn!). If Blair and Chuck don’t end up together and SOON, I’m going to throw the remote at my TV. And don’t even get me started on the fake Amanda Clark and the fact that she finally left the show.
…I bought The Resolution for Women
…I slept till at least 10:00 every day last week, till 11:00 Saturday and 12:00 on Sunday. And not once did I feel guilty. Not once did I think that maybe I should get up and do something productive. Because for once I just didn’t care.
…I let Little Man eat Cheetos for breakfast one day last week. And drink half of my Dr. Pepper. Just because I didn’t feel like standing in the kitchen to debate “milk or no milk?” and “Cookie Crisp or Cinnamon Toast Crunch?” for 30 minutes. So Cheetos it was. (Don’t throw rocks at me…things like that really don’t happen in our house but once in a blue moon.)
…I washed three loads of clothes one day last week, and put every load in the dryer together just so I didn’t have to take the one that was already in there out and fold it.
What’s on your mind? Have something you need to confess?
Linking up with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Wednesday’s Pour Your Heart Out.
JDaniel had mac and cheese for breakfast one day last week. It was what he wanted and he ate the whole thing. I wish I had your sleep. How wonderful to get to sleep in!
It’s very much needed after staying up until almost 2:00 am most every night. I work late because it’s the only time I get quiet time. 🙂
At first I thought I was reading something I had written myself and just forgot I had written it. The illusion didn’t wane until I got to the trouble getting pregnant part. Sometimes just getting it out there is a needs release. Hope it helped.
Haha! That definitely makes me feel better to know that you have been there and done that. 🙂 Throwing these things out on the table definitely made me feel better!
So much of this resonates with me. Not just this past week, but ALL THE TIME. The laundry. I don’t hate it. I just wish I had a designated area to fold. I let Z have popcorn for dinner the other night. When I said yes he repeated yes like seriously, yes? Go for it.
I wonder if I can parent more than these three (I seriously want a fourth). But I wonder WHY I want a fourth when these three drive me to drink. Literally.
Sometimes I am not nice to them. I yell when I don’t mean to yell. I apologize, but sometimes that’s bullshit to them and way too late anyway. I think we all have things to add to your list and none of it makes ANY of us bad moms. Each of us is different. We each react and deal differently. All I can say is hang in there, be gentle on yourself and respect your feelings. Take breaks even when there is no room for breaks. I hope the coming days get better for you.
I wonder sometimes why on EARTH I want a second when the one I have is more than I can handle somedays. But, then, when he’s sweet, I swear I could have a houseful just like him. I have a tendency to yell, too. I never wanted to be a yeller, but it just happens. I think that our kids need to see that parents are human too and not just all mighty and powerful adults who aren’t faulted.
Oh girl- truly, these aren’t anything to feel guilty about. None of us is perfect and sometimes we just have to do what we need to to get through. xo
Absolutely. You are most definitely right. And sometimes, our families just have to understand that we really CAN’T do it all!
Oh gosh, I could relate to a lot of your post! I had a rough week, too. And because of my rough week, I didn’t do laundry every day…and around here, we do an average of 4 loads of laundry each day, so you can imagine what it’s like if I get a day or two behind. I also let my kids eat breakfast for dinner a few times this week, which THEY love, but it makes me feel guilty. I’m into a new book right now and told my kids to “leave me alone” quite a few times this week because I wanted to READ instead of MAKE THEM DINNER. Isn’t that awful? LOL
Katrina
They All Call Me Mom
I can’t IMAGINE doing 4 loads of laundry every day. I’d go insane. And I can definitely identify with the power of a good read over your life. 🙂 Why can’t everyone understand that sometimes, we just NEED that one more page?!
For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing a great job. I have been in each situation you listed. We’re only human, we don’t have superpowers, though sometimes I wish I did. We do what we can, and that’s ok.
Thanks, love! I really appreciate that. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that we are, in fact, only human and don’t possess any real super powers. 🙂
Oh gosh! I love you Courtney and I really hope you get to move where I am because I think we would be good friends. Seriously though you could definitely handle two kids. Trust me it is not easy but it is worth it and you will have a second.
My Confessions…
I get jealous of those “friends” that have more blog readers and commenters even though I know I shouldn’t be.
I hate being around people who have two normal kids and see them playing together. I just wish my life had turned out differently. I still have not come to terms that this is my life.
I love you, too Sarah! 🙂 I think we all get jealous of other bloggers for their commenters/subscribers. I think it’s the hardest for me when I Read blogs that just (in my opinion) aren’t that good. Bloggers who share things that seem so mundane and pointless. I am so sorry that you are having to deal with some of the things that you are dealing with. I can’t imagine. Just know that you were put in that situation (as we all were, in whatever ways) for a reason and because YOU can handle it! Prayers my far away friend!
Are you living my life on the other side of the country?! I am so glad that you wrote this. Now I feel inspired. I hope you have a better week this week than last week and there’s always a rainbow after the rain 🙂 Keep your chin up Courtney because you are simply AMAZING!
Haha! Thank you, Brittany! Seems I am definitely not alone in my bad days! Hope you are having a wonderful start to your week!
Love this post, especially the confessions cause it just makes it so real for all of us. We all have days like this, and we all confessions like this. It’s just sometimes nice to know we’re not alone in it.
Oh and about Chuck & Blair… I feel the SAME way!! They are just dragging it out! And I don’t know what part you are at, but let’s just say the part I am at they are still just draggging it out! AHHH! lol
I’m actually caught up to live TV now with Gossip Girl. I got my iPad for Christmas and watched episode after episode while I worked on Netflix. Totally sucked into that show.
I agree that it’s nice to be able to vent and let off some steam somedays. It always makes me feel better, and the comments I get letting me know that I’m not alone give me a sense of sanity again. 🙂
Haha yeah I am still working on it. I have to limit myself or I will will just sit there all day and watch one after another. lol You should also watch “Switched at Birth” and “Make it or Break it”
I am soooooooo feeling you on this post! You are definitely not alone with these confessions. I love that you are voicing them.
I seriously wonder if I am cut out for this whole motherhood gig. I have a running debate in my head on the whole second child thing (we are not trying right now.) It’s an “I do, but I don’t, can I really handle it?” sort of back and forth.
I’ve had my new (or not so new) camera going on a year and I’m still overwhelmed by it. I’m guessing I’ll have it all figured out just in time to upgrade!
Laundry… I pretty much hate it.
Sending hugs and hopes for a good week!
We still go back and forth on the whole second child debate. We know we do, but there are so many days-especially as of late-where I wonder if I can handle it. I guess only time will tell! Hope you are having a wonderful start to your week!