Three

Dear Noah,

Today is the day Birthday Boy! Today you are three years old.

I spent a better part of this week trying my hardest to figure out where the years have gone so far. It seems like just yesterday I was in that delivery room impatiently awaiting your arrival.

You have changed our lives completely since then. Everything that we do these days is for YOU and to make sure that YOU are happy and taken care of and loved. I hope that as you grow up you always remember how much we love you and how much we tried to SHOW you that you were the most important thing to us.

Your personality continues to bloom right before our eyes. You are saying and doing the funniest things! Just this past weekend during an Alabama Football game, your daddy said loudly, “Are you KIDDING me, guys? Come on!” Which then, in turn, resulted in your new favorite phrase: Are you kidding me, dude? Come on!

You make us laugh baby boy. You keep us smiling and giggling at all of the little things. The phases you make, the words you pick up on…it’s one of the absolute best parts of being your mom.

We’ve changed our minds about sending you to PreSchool right now. I know a lot of people are advocates for early education, and so am I. But, I’m not ready to let you go and I don’t think you are ready to go yet either. Despite wondering whether or not the PreSchool teachers will take care of you the way that I think you need taking care of, I just don’t think you’ve reached the stage of independence where you will fully thrive in a PreSchool setting.

You are as smart as a whip and you pick up on things with ease. You love to interact with other kids as much as you enjoy time by yourself. But, you are selective about who you associate with and how you spend your time. I can’t criticize that trait in you because you get it from me and your daddy. I know that we can’t control who you interact with forever, but for now, I can. And I want to make sure that you are around the kind of people who will influence you in the right ways. I don’t think anyone can judge me for that…for wanting the best for you.

Looking back over the last three years and how quickly they’ve gone by, I sit and wonder sometimes where the next few years are going to lead us. I think a lot about who you are going to be, the kind of person you will become. I wonder what you will do with you life, who you will marry, how many kids you will have. You are going to be a kid person. I can tell it already. You love being around other kids, whether they are older than you or not. And you really have a soft spot for babies. That’s part of why I ache for another child so badly…because of you and because of how much you love being around little bitty babies. You look at them with admiration and sheer love. It melts my heart. I know that someday-many, many years from now-you are going to rock the daddy gig.

I want so much for you, kiddo. I would wrap the world up and hand it to you with a big boy on top if I could. I never understood how much my parents loved me when I was growing up. I always knew that they did, without question. But, my daddy (your PawPaw) used to say that I would never understand just how much until I had a child of my own. I get that now. And one day, I hope, you will too. Understand that being a parent means that a little piece of your heart is removed and just goes walking around on a daily basis, experiencing the world and engaging with life. You will understand the severity and the vastness of how much your daddy and I love you. How BIG that love is. It’s a powerful, powerful feeling. One that I can’t put into words.

I know that I won’t always be the perfect mother; I won’t always be a good mother…but I will always, always love you and make sure that you are taken care of. I made myself that promise when I first heard your heartbeat.I promised myself, and you, that no matter what I had to do, no matter what I had to sacrifice or do without that YOU would be looked after. Your daddy is the same way. You are our life, son. And we wouldn’t change that for anything. Not now, not ever. Don’t ever forget that.

We’re having a Transformers Birthday Party for you on Sunday and all of your closest friends are coming.  We’ve ordered the cupcakes and the food and have all of your presents wrapped. I hope that it’s a wonderful occasion for you, even if you don’t remember it when you get older.

I hope you have a happy, happy birthday baby boy! If how much I love you continues to grow as you grow, then I might burst by the time your 16. I hope you still love me as much then as you do now. 🙂

I love you son.

Thiiiiiiiiis Much!

-Mommy