52 Faces: Week 6
My head isn’t all here this week, folks. I promise I didn’t just ditch out on you. I haven’t made it around the link to visit last weeks 52 Faces participants, but I plan on doing that today. Bare with me.
Like I mentioned on Monday, I’ve been just walking around in a fog. The rain has set in for who knows how long (the forecast is showing rain until next week) and life just…has ways of knocking me to my knees sometimes. I guess what they say is true…when you’re on your knees your in the perfect position to pray. So that’s what I’ve been doing.
Praying for grace.
Praying for peace.
Praying for ease of mind and understanding.
It’s hard.
And truthfully, I don’t feel anything different.
My heart still hurts.
I’m still carrying around this heavy bundle of emotional baggage that I can’t seem to drop anywhere.
It’s just there.
And I honestly don’t know what I can do to make it go away.
So for now, I just continue to work, engulfing myself in work and doing what I enjoy while watching everyone around me announce their pregnancy and spending time with this sweet little boy…
This little boy who loves trains and cars and little miniature figures that he can carry around…
This little boy who gives three kinds of kisses: Big ones, Little Ones and Super-Awesome ones…
This little boy who thinks every piece of furniture is a trampoline for him to play on…
The little boy who thinks that he can sleep in mommy and daddy’s bed every night because we have room (when we really don’t…but he generally crawls up in there anyway)…
Who stays up way too late at night because he’a night owl like his mom…and then sleeps until 10:00 the next morning (during the winter months of course)…
The same boy who asks about babies whenever we see one…mentions having a brother or sister whenever the thought comes to mind…
The same boy who would be the best big brother any kid could ask for…
That’s who I wake up for every morning.
That’s who I spend my days worrying about. Because he’s the only one who holds my heart these days (with the exception of my husband, but I’m going to assume that was a given).
I let him get me through the days…focusing on how awesome he is and the fact that I get to be a parent. Focusing on how much he loves me and how much fun we have together.
Because he’s what I have now. He’s my present….and the present is all we have.
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Courtney, I can tell by your pictures, posts, tweets, etc that you truly enjoy being a mom and you adore every minute with Noah. He is a beautiful boy and your pictures are awesome!! Your words are beautiful and bring make so many memories for me of my boy being little. (he’s 18 now) Thank you for sharing your heart and your photos. **hugs**
Very sweet pics of Noah. Praying for you…. this reminds me of some of my small group’s discussion last night. We are studying the book of Philippeans at this moment and our pastor asked how we normally react when times get tough in our lives. And furthermore, how do we react when tough times get tougher? Always lean on God. Don’t give Satan a foothold. Lean, girl. Just lean.
Awh, love that last line. You know, there’s always a point in everyone’s lives where we feel both incredibly blessed and incredibly ripped off (for lack of a better term.) When everyone else’s life seems either unfairly better (i.e. everyone is getting knocked up around you) or horrendously worse (i.e. my friend just had a stillborn.) It’s perfectly okay to feel both.
Precious blog, Courtney 🙂 You’re a sweet Mama, hang in there! God has amazing things in store 🙂
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I love these photos, especially the black and white one of his legs. There is so much story behind that one.
Sending positive thoughts and hopes to you.
These are great shots Courtney! I love the one of him on the couch with all his trains and cars – too sweet! I know it’s hard, but hang in there! I’m praying you’ll get good news very soon!
This post put my heart back in the right place. I am so glad you are sharing your struggle. I didn’t tell a soul and I wished now that I had been more open about it. Praying for you.
Thinking of you and hoping that fog rolls out of there soon!!
I’m praying for you too. I really hope you find some peace and grace and joy soon.
I absolutely adore your pictures this week!
the mini figures photo is perfect. All in the details! Sweet Courtney, I am thinking of you and praying for some solace for you. I can’t sympathize, but I empathize completely and offer you a huge bloggy friend hug!
Thank you, Amy! I very much appreciate you thoughts and prayers. I can’t tell you how much they mean!
Thank you so much, Laura!