When Parent’s Fail their Children

Growing up, I didn’t get in a whole lot of trouble. I had my moments (like all kids), but for the most part I tried to mind my P’s and Q’s. I didn’t like punishment. I didn’t like disappointing my parents.

So, I did whatever I had to to stay out of trouble.

I remember, in those rare moments when the punishment would fall on me, that my parents always said that what was about to happen hurt them more than it ever would me.

I always thought that was ridiculous. How could punishing me hurt them? Especially when our punishments growing up came in the form of a belt on our backside.

Now that Little Man is three and moderate temper tantrums seem to be invading our house more frequently, I am beginning to understand exactly what it was my parents meant when they used to say that.

I’m sure for different parents it means different things, but for me, it’s the realization that I’ve done something or have failed to do something right where my child is concerned.

I’ve acted our or said something I shouldn’t have said, which resulted in him saying it…

I’ve let him get away with something one too many times because I was “too busy” or too otherwise occupied to correct inappropriate behavior…

I’ve loved him too much (if there is a such thing) and been too afraid to upset him, that I’ve let him get away with things he shouldn’t…

For the most part, I consider myself to be a really good parent. Not the best, but definitely not the worst either.

I want my son to have things that I didn’t have growing up. I want him to experience life and all that it has to offer in ways that others may not have the chance to. I want to give my son the world and make everything okay for him forever.

But…

if by doing that and wanting that for him, I fail to discipline him for bad behavior, let him get away with things “just because he’s three” or fill his every want just to avoid a conflict, then am I really doing him any favors?

I never want my son to be “that kid.”

The one whose parents handed him life on a silver platter and spoon fed him everything he wanted.

I want him to learn to work for things he wants and earn his privileges. I want him to get dirty and learn that life isn’t easy and things don’t come for free. I never want him to be the kind of person who just takes the easy way out instead of learning to stand on his own two feet and overcome adversity.

I know he’s only three, and we aren’t quite to the point of worrying about some of these things…

But doesn’t the road start here? Doesn’t the personality they develop as a child transfer over to their lives as young adults and teenagers?

We’ve had to step up the discipline in our house. Time outs don’t cut it around here. They don’t do any good and Little Man isn’t phased by a few minutes in the corner. We’ve resulted to taking away toys and spankings to get the point across. Bless his tiny little heart, Little Man is doubly “blessed” by having inherited both his mommy and his daddy’s sense of stubbornness. And both mommy and daddy tend to lack in the area of patience some days. So it’s been…an adventure, to say the least.

But despite how much it hurts me to punish him and take away his toys or send him to his room…

I know that I’m doing the right thing for my son.

And one day, many years from now when he has children of his own, he’ll understand what I mean when I say

It hurts me much more than it ever hurts you…

What methods of discipline do you find work best in your house? How do you handle temper tantrums?

I’ve been meaning to announce the winner of the Amy Cornwell Jewelry Giveaway, but haven’t gotten to choosing one! Congrats to Sarah @ NapTime MomTog! She’ll win a $50 Gift Certificate to use toward whatever you want from Amy’s shop. Email me within the next 24 hours to claim your prize!

Also linking this post up with Just. Be. Enough for Be Enough Me Monday, Just Write @ Extraordinary Ordinary and Pour Your Heart Our with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say this week.