I am…(Thoughts on Induction Day)

I Am…being induced tomorrow morning at 7:00 am.

I Want…a safe and healthy baby; no matter how long the delivery lasts or what method it results in.

I Have…a feeling that baby boy will weigh at least 8 pounds…easy.

I Wish…that everyone would just say “Good Luck” and “We’re thinking of you” rather than continuing to share their beliefs that choosing induction is wrong.

I Hate…that motherhood and parenting have become such a competition. Parent this way, feed this way, diaper this way…it’s a headache. Why can’t we just agree to disagree and follow the whole “to each his own” way of thinking, hmm?

I Fear…not being able to make enough time for both of my children. Or that one will feel that he isn’t as special or as important as his brother.

I Hear…the dryer running. One last load of clothes going before we leave tomorrow morning.

I Searched…all afternoon for signs and logic and reasons why induction tomorrow was the best option for our family. After three+ hours of talking it over with close family and friends and praying about it, we know that we made the choice that was best for us.

I Wonder…how quick the labor will be…how painful it will be…how Noah will handle welcoming a baby into the family…how we will adjust to life as a family of four instead of just three.

I Regret…nothing. Because I know that I’ve done my best and given my best. So, I’m content with that.

I Love…that my husband is supportive of my decisions and my choices. That he sits and analyzes every angle with me and helps me make the tough decisions. I love that we are a team and that no one person is greater in our family than the other.

I Ache…all over. Which is part of the reason we are doing this. I don’t sleep and can hardly walk. Discomfort isn’t the word anymore. I’ve reached the point of crying myself to sleep at night because I physically hurt so bad. I have a high pain tolerance, so for me to actually say that I hurt, means that I really hurt.

I Always… put my family and my children first. How my choices impact them are the forefront of any decision I have to make. Ever.

I Am Not…afraid of the induction itself. My worries and fears and hesitations come from whether or not I am ready and able to care for two children at the same time instead of just one. I know in my heart that I wouldn’t be in this situation and preparing for this second child if I couldn’t. But, still I hesitate to think that I can do it.

I Rarely… admit fear. I accept it and acknowledge it as part of life. But admitting it to everyone (other than my husband) is a rare thing.

I Never…say never. Because I’ve learned that saying “never” results in the most unexpected of circumstances.

I Cry…pretty often. I’m a crier. When I’m angry. When I’m happy. When I’m sad. It’s funny, actually.

I Am Not Always…positive. I tend to have a negative disposition sometimes. I’m working on it.

I Lose…my patience more often than I care to admit.

I Need…to go to bed.

I Should…be sleeping.

I Am…ready to embrace tomorrow. Ready to meet our sweet baby boy. Ready to watch Noah take on his role of big brother. Ready.

 

We’re scheduled for induction tomorrow/today (November 27) at 7:00 am AST. I won’t be updating here on the blog until after Jonah is born, but if you want to keep up with us tomorrow and in the days to come, be sure to head over to my Facebook Page or Follow me on InstaGram! That’s where the news will be coming in first! I can’t take credit for this post idea. Totally snagged it from Kimberly at Reflection’s of Now. With all that’s going on right now, it seemed like the perfect post template to clear my head and get some things off my chest. Be sure to check out hers: Who I Am.