I'm a Single Mama doing what I love and fueled by Grace, Mercy, and a whole lot of coffee. I'm so glad you are here!
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I'm Courtney.
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Thoughts on having a Big Family
It’s no secret that the husband and I are trying to have a second child.
It’s also no secret that five months in, we haven’t had much success.
We’ve been spending a lot of time with friends lately who have four+ kids…
And I’m starting to wonder if we could ever be a “big” family.
I see friends with their families, their four children, and wonder why not us?
Growing up I had this whole “four child” theory for my future family. By default four was the ideal number. When you have only one child, there is the only child syndrome that arises; with only two kids, you run the risk of your children not getting along and having no other sibling to turn to. With three kids, their is the illusive “middle child” syndrome (and you’re at an uneven number so pairing kiddos up to ride rides at theme parks is a headache). So, naturally, four just seems to “fit.”
*Note: This isn’t to criticize anyone for their choice of how many kids you have. This was a “theory” that I developed as a teenager without the slightest clue what went into parenting…
I love my son. More than life itself. And even in the midst of the terrible three’s and crazy tantrums, I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Granted, during those crazy fits I wonder how on Earth I could handle life with a second child…much less a third or a fourth.
And there are things to consider when it comes to adding to our family as well. Finances, the husband’s military career, my career…
Not something to take lightly or a decision to be made thoughtlessly.
I’ve often heard people say that you know, subconsciously, when you’re “done” having children. When your heart is as full as it can be and you’ve reached a point where your family feels complete.
If that’s true, then I know for a fact our family isn’t complete. And we aren’t done having children.
Maybe I’m greedy…or selfish. Or whatever else it is that people call women who want more than the society accepted “two” kids. But a house full of children…a big family…it makes my heart ache a bit.
Sometimes I feel called to take that big leap of faith and just “see what happens” when it comes to our family. After all, pregnancy isn’t guaranteed when you stop preventing it and I know, in my heart, that it’s all in God’s hands and his timing.
How did you know when you were done having kids? Did you reach the point where you just “felt” that your family was complete?
When you’re trying to get pregnant it’s just about impossible to remain patient. We’re at (almost!!!) two girls and two boys, and are stopping at four. I’m pretty blessed to have wound up with the number of kids I wanted, of the genders I wanted, in the timeframe I wanted and I feel done after this one.
Five months of trying isn’t forever, but I know it’s so hard to remember that when it’s all you think about and want! If you’re following God’s plan for you, you will wind up happier than you can imagine yourself being – remember that.
Thanks girl. I think waiting patiently is so hard because having a baby isn’t something you approach lightly. There is serious thought and consideration that goes into it.
As I sit and stare at my little dudes, I actually could see us going both ways–having a few more or stopping completely. This is a conversation topic that hubby and I have been going over and over these past weeks. Part of us want to be done just in case Ty’s job gives us the opportunity to travel–traveling with two children is much easier than traveling with three or four. But part of us wants to try for a few more. We’re torn.
Baby will come 🙂 Don’t stress it! We’re all rooting for you and your uterus…okay, that just sounded weird, but I think you know where I’m going with that 🙂
LOL I knew what you meant. Hehe. We place a lot of consideration and thought on the husbands career and the travel involved with being a military family. It will be exciting to see what happens for your family!
I totally know how you are feeling. I myself have always wanted four children. Currently sitting here with three kids and I ask myself every day how I possibly could want anymore, but at the same time, I dont feel as if my family will be complete until we have one more. Society is always making people question what is “socially acceptable” You shouldn’t have to question decisions YOU make yourself. If you want 4 kids..have 4…you want 2 kids..have 2…..if you want 10 kids..have 10 (ok i know thats a little unrealistic but hey whos stopping you! lol)
also….it took us 7 months to get pregnant between AD and AN…keep your head up! God has a plan for you!
Thanks girl! I appreciate that. It’s such a “to each his own” type thing, in my opinion. And it’s insanely frustrating to see society placing a limit on the norm. Look at the Duggars…they seem content enough with all of their kids (which is a little much in my personal opinion, but who am I to judge, right)…
You’re not greedy for wanting to expand your family and for wanting more children to love!!
Thank you! 🙂 I never considered it greed either, but so many people seem to think that way. Which is weird…in my opinion. LOL
I’ve never felt that. When we had 2 and our youngest turned 5, we tried to convince ourselves we were happy where our family was and that was that. But we yearned for a larger family. When we got pregnant with #3, we were already talking about #4 and maybe #5. Now that we have three, God is taking us on this crazy cool journey of adopting #4 and maybe #5 from Ukraine — as we do paperwork and fundraise, I am just as anticipatory as if I were pregnant. So many people have made comments to the effect of finishing our family … I’d simply commit to saying completing it for the time being. God has a plan … and He always provides for our plans!
I talked to someone just yesterday who said that adoption was as exciting and anticipatory as pregnancy. What a rush it must be to be in the process of bringing home another child! Sending so many prayers of support and encouragement to you!! 🙂
We thought we were done with 2, but then our hearts were led to adoption. We thought we were done with 3, but then we answered the phone one night and said yes to twins. Here we are at 5, something we NEVER would’ve imagined, but we have a life filled with children that we can’t imagine being without.
We’ve considered adoption as well. It’s something that has ALWAYS been on our hearts. We can’t financially afford it right now, and know we want at least one more biological child, but someday we hope to add to our family that way, too.
I agree with you. I don’t “feel” done. I think I want four. We will have to see what happens. I feel selfish for wanting more because of Carsyn, but I think it would be good for him. I also have to convince hubby to want more. ha ha.
I don’t think that’s selfish at all. My sister had some health issues growing up (lots of surgeries, etc) and truthfully? I always wished there was another sibling around because of the attention she constantly got when she was sick. During some of the more difficult times, I felt left out because I didn’t have anyone and she was getting all of the attention. LOL
Maybe your body is just waiting for me to get pregnant so you can have a preggo buddy? I kid…but I know what you mean. That thought process on four children is pretty good actually. I grew up with 2 siblings and there is definitely a middle child syndrome that we’re actively dealing with. I think hubs wants 2…I could go for four as well.
Maybe so! I’ve always wanted to have a friend who was pregnant at the same time as me, so someone would understand what I was going through. You guys are TTC now, right? Maybe you’ll be that buddy! 🙂
I, too, would like to have a big family. Right now I have a toddler and am pregnant with another but plan for three more. I know. Most think I’m insane. I have heard that you’ll never really know that you are “done” with having children, that throughout your life, you’ll have urges, occasionally, for more. The only thing that you can do is just go with the flow and let things happen as they may. If it’s meant to be, I’d like to believe, it will.
p.s. I stumbled upon your blog via a comment you left on Parenting by Dummies. I look forward to reading more from you!
I agree. I think that everything, no matter what situation or circumstance you might be in, will find a way of coming to be if it’s meant to happen. I think the desire to be pregnant and have more kids just comes and goes with the seasons. Baby fever is crazy contagious. 🙂 I’m so happy you stumbled your way over! I’m looking forward to getting to know you!
We have 3 and feel pretty good about it. Sometimes I wonder what 4 would be like but it is different than when we had 2 thinking about 3. It was like I needed 3 to be who I was suppose to be. And now I feel like #3 completed us.
I think that that feeling is generally a sign to let us know that we’re done. 🙂 And what a great place it must be to feel like your heart, and your family, is full.