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It’s no secret that the husband and I are trying to have a second child.
It’s also no secret that five months in, we haven’t had much success.
We’ve been spending a lot of time with friends lately who have four+ kids…
And I’m starting to wonder if we could ever be a “big” family.
I see friends with their families, their four children, and wonder why not us?
Growing up I had this whole “four child” theory for my future family. By default four was the ideal number. When you have only one child, there is the only child syndrome that arises; with only two kids, you run the risk of your children not getting along and having no other sibling to turn to. With three kids, their is the illusive “middle child” syndrome (and you’re at an uneven number so pairing kiddos up to ride rides at theme parks is a headache). So, naturally, four just seems to “fit.”
*Note: This isn’t to criticize anyone for their choice of how many kids you have. This was a “theory” that I developed as a teenager without the slightest clue what went into parenting…
I love my son. More than life itself. And even in the midst of the terrible three’s and crazy tantrums, I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Granted, during those crazy fits I wonder how on Earth I could handle life with a second child…much less a third or a fourth.
And there are things to consider when it comes to adding to our family as well. Finances, the husband’s military career, my career…
Not something to take lightly or a decision to be made thoughtlessly.
I’ve often heard people say that you know, subconsciously, when you’re “done” having children. When your heart is as full as it can be and you’ve reached a point where your family feels complete.
If that’s true, then I know for a fact our family isn’t complete. And we aren’t done having children.
Maybe I’m greedy…or selfish. Or whatever else it is that people call women who want more than the society accepted “two” kids. But a house full of children…a big family…it makes my heart ache a bit.
Sometimes I feel called to take that big leap of faith and just “see what happens” when it comes to our family. After all, pregnancy isn’t guaranteed when you stop preventing it and I know, in my heart, that it’s all in God’s hands and his timing.
How did you know when you were done having kids? Did you reach the point where you just “felt” that your family was complete?
Any day now…. A friend of ours has 4 boys and has had 4 miscarriages herself. When we got pregnant with #3, we were already talking about #4 and maybe #5. You are absolutely right.
Loved this! Thanks for sharing. For a while we thought we were done, but then Miss B came into our lives and added more joy than we could have ever thought. And now my heart wants more children. I guess we’ll put that in the Lord’s hands and see where it leads.
I have the same 4 child theory. Currently, we don’t have any children. We just got married in April and I would love to start “trying.” However, the idea of paying off my school loans first just sounds responsible so that is what I’m trying to do so far without much luck. Also I keep thinking we should be married for a while without kids first so we can enjoy each other. But I really feel incomplete like you say. I cannot get enough time with my friends & their kiddos. The more time I spend with them the more I want my own children asap. My husband is also in the USCG. I would welcome your advice. <3
I think it’s a great idea to enjoy time as a couple first. I love our son to pieces, but we had him 6 months after we got married, so our “newlywed” phase didn’t last long. It would have been nice to have enjoyed some date nights, trips out and about without a kid in tow. I say give yourselves at least a year and half before you decide to have a baby. But that’s just from experience. Always a pleasure to meet a fellow Coast Guard wife!! 🙂 Feel free to hit me up anytime!