Go forward…Grow up

We made the decision together.

Me, you and your daddy. We talked about it and discussed it and covered every angle. We all decided that it would be the best option for you. The best decision to get you ready to venture out on your own next year and prepare you for Kindergarten.

Preschool.

We talked about it for a long time but kept waiting on the right moment and the right place to become available. We didn’t want to send you just anywhere. You deserve more than “just anywhere.” We explored lots of options and mommy even tried her hand at homeschooling you a bit.

But you much prefer to spend your time at home playing with your toys and jumping off the furniture. Your attention span with me is short lived. Not that I blame you. I’m probably not the best teacher anyway.

So we went for it. We took you to visit, took you to see where you’d be going and meet your teacher. You already knew two of the five other kids in your class. You make friends easily, so the social side wasn’t my concern.

Day one went off without a hitch. You got up on your own…feet hitting the floor with a big grin on your face.

“First day of Big Boy School!” you exclaimed over and over again.

You wore your blue and white striped shirt. You brushed your teeth with your new Angry Birds toothbrush. You packed your little backpack by yourself. You talked nonstop about the fun you were going to have when you got there. And when I picked you up a few hours later, you talked nonstop again about how much fun you had. You had Cheerio’s at snack time. You read a book about a little boy who lost his dog (his daddy found him at the end of the story). You went to the park to play.

Then day two rolled around. And day three. And I’ve left you there crying both times. Watching you try to wiggle away from the teacher and follow me back out the door is gut wrenching. Listening to you cry as I head down the stairs to go back to the car breaks my heart into.

Friday I peeked over my shoulder, trying to hide my own tears, as you yelled, “Please mommy, don’t leave me! I love you!”

I can’t tell you how hard it was to walk away from you.

But I know in my heart that it’s the right thing. You don’t understand it now. In your four year old mindset you don’t see what I’m doing…what we’re doing (daddy and me).

We’re preparing you to be a grown, independent boy. To be strong and stand on your own. To tackle the world without needing someone to hold your hand and guide you through it.  We want you to be ready to venture out on your own.

Does that mean that mommy and daddy are ready to let you go?

Not hardly.

I sit at home working on the mornings you aren’t here and wonder what you’re doing. Wonder if you’re having fun and learning a lot. Wondering if the kids are being nice to you and if you are making friends. Wonder if you’re following the rules and using the manners that I know we’ve instilled in you.

And as you get older, those worries will get bigger.

A mommy’s job doesn’t end. And her heart doesn’t stop loving you just because you’re grown.

So for now, we’ll continue to pursue preschool. Because even though I’d love to scoop you up in my arms when you start crying and carry you back home to play, I can’t. Because I’d be doing YOU wrong and holding you back.

And I never want to hold you back.

So go forward, sweet boy and grow up…

slowly.