Broken Hallelujah

Oh, my sweet virtual friends.

My spirit is anxious this morning…overwhelmed and worried and nervous about things that haven’t even come to pass. Things for our little family of four are changing pretty drastically in 2015. No, there’s no new baby involved. Because I know that’s something that is on the minds of everyone reading this. The clan isn’t growing by any feet or hands or hearts. Just going to remain us four for now, unless the good Lord decides our family needs something, or someone, else.

Jobs bring about change. And sacrifice. And separation.

And with all of that comes anxiety.

My heart is full of it this morning.

I dropped Noah off at school this morning, passing by and chatting with close friends briefly as we hurried through the morning. Confirming with a few the news we found out yesterday and only waving and saying hello to others.

And I felt alone. The burden of what’s to come heavy on my mind and heart. Realizing that this is the time in which I am supposed to cling to God and His promises. I was in a state of…I’m not sure what it was…just a sense of “Oh my gracious, Lord. I can’t handle this. I can’t do this. I can’t endure this again…” when The Afters came on the radio. Broken Hallelujah has been my heart cry in times like this before. In one of my deepest times of sadness and loneliness. This song was God’s voice clearly reminding me that it’s in HIM that I have to find my spirit refilled with joy…

I can barely stand right now
Everything is crashing down
And I wonder where You are
I try to find the words to pray
I don’t always know what to say
But You’re the one who can hear my heart

Even though I don’t know what your plan is
I know You’re making beauty from these ashes

I’ve seen joy and I’ve seen pain
On my knees, I call Your name
Here’s my broken hallelujah
With nothing left to hold onto
I raise these empty hands to You
Here’s my broken hallelujah

It’s times like right now…times where I feel that sense of aloneness and isolation…that I have to remember-that we ALL have to remember-that we are never alone. We are never left by ourselves to endure anything. We always have Him nearby.

Psalm 46:1 tells us that “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

That’s what I need right now. Ever present. Never leaving. Always there.

Friends, how can I pray for you today? I know someone reading this today feels similar if not the same in their current circumstance. What’s on your heart? If you don’t want to type it in the comment (though I encourage it so that others can see and pray for you, too!) feel free to email it to me! All of the prayer requests are kept private and anonymous, so you don’t have to worry about them being shared with anyone else.