Shifting Focus

Our false alarm the Friday before last was a bit of a wake up call for me. I’ve been so focused on getting ready for baby boy and preparing for his arrival, that a small part of me forgot about something…well someone…else and the impact that this little baby’s arrival is going to have.

His brother.

It isn’t that I ever forgot about our biggest boy.

Quite the opposite, actually. Every little thing that we’ve done to prepare for Jonah has been done with Noah in mind. We’ve tried to ensure that he was a big part of every aspect of preparing for a baby. We made the Gender Reveal party as much of a “big brother” party as we could. We’ve let him help pick out gifts for Jonah and talked endlessly about what a big role he’s going to have in his brothers life.

But that doesn’t mean that his little life isn’t going to change.

He’s been on his own…our sole responsibility and focus…for four straight years. He’s been our baby and we’ve done very little without him by our side. And we’ve loved every single second of it.

When we rolled into the hospital that Friday thinking that our baby boy was going to be arriving, there was a big part of me that wasn’t quite ready. Not so much for my sake…because the good Lord knows that I am beyond ready for this baby to arrive, but for Noah’s.

He was excited and eager and couldn’t stop bouncing up and down telling us how excited he was to meet his brother. Telling us about all of the things that he was going to do with him (including sharing his Imaginext toys and teaching him how to play football) and that he was going to feed him and change poopie diapers.

I am as excited, if not more so, for him as I am for myself and the husband.

Yet, part of me was the tiniest bit relieved that Jonah wasn’t born on Friday. And that he hasn’t been born just yet.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m dying to meet our new little guy. I’m beyond eager to have my body back to myself and not to be sharing with a tiny little invader who continues to shove his toes into my rib cage and use my bladder as a punching bag.

But not having Jonah here yet has meant a few more days with my oldest boy; just the two of us. Just me and him and our little routines. Snuggling up in the bed first thing in the mornings, uninterrupted, while we talk about what he dreamed the night before and what he wants to do the coming day. Our little lunch routines and play times. All of those things will change when his brother arrives.

And no matter how excited I am for a new addition to our family, I will miss these days with Noah as my one and only.

So I’ve taken a lot of “down” time since Friday to just be with Noah. We’ve played lots of games (Yahtzee is his current favorite and he’s really good at it…), watched lots of movies, snuggled up and taken naps together. We’ve played and played and played. And, despite being physically and mentally exhausted, I’ve enjoyed every second.

I’ve loved being in the moment with him in a way that I don’t feel like I have been for the last several months. And I think he’s loved being with his mama.

I know that things are about to change for all of us. And that Noah isn’t always going to be my one and only. But he will always be my first…he’ll always be the one who made me a mama.

And that in itself is something that no one else can take away from him.

While I’m certain that I’ll get around to updating the blog with news of Jonah’s arrival, if you want to stay updated on what’s going on and when I go into labor, be sure to subscribe to my updates on Facebook or follow me on Instagram.