I don’t wanna…

If I have learned anything about parenting and marriage so far in the past almost 2 years, it’s that it is a learning experience. You learn through observation, experience, and-if you’re like me-lots of TV Shows [like Super Nanny and World’s Strictest Parents] books, magazines, and blogs. And while there are lots of things that I have stumbled across over the past several months that I want to incorporate into my parenting style, most of what I find are things that I don’t want to do.

Styles of parenting I don’t want to mimic; childhood habits I don’t want to encourage; mistakes I see other parents make that I want to avoid. I don’t believe there are perfect parents, and the Good Lord knows that I will make plenty of mistakes in my lifetime, but I have started to really discover the routines and habits that I want to stay far away from in parenting. Not that I am necessarily passing judgement on said parents as much as I am observing their parenting styles.

I know that I don’t want to become that parent that pawns their children off on TV and video games. The mom with the son that can’t tell you anything about a story he read in class or how to do simple math equations, but can tell you everything you want to know about “World of Warcraft” or internet gaming. The mom of the children who come in, do homework, and then take super to their bedrooms or the living room [or whatever room the computer may be in] and spend the rest of their night propped up in front of a screen with no family interaction whatsoever.

I know that I don’t want to become the family that runs to a practice or rehersal of some sort every night. Josh has cousins in his family like that who play baseball all. year. long. They couldn’t even come to Noah’s birthday party because they had 2 boys playing tournament ball during his party. I don’t want to be the mom that grabs supper at a McDonalds drive in 3 or 4 times a week because some lesson prevents me from cooking supper for my family and enjoying one another’s company.

I know that I don’t want to be the mom that works an 8 hour job, only to have to turn around and bring most of my work home with me. The mom that grabs takeout, order delivery or pops something frozen in the microwave for my family because I am too “busy” to cook. The mom that walks around with a stupid cell phone [or one of those ridiculous ‘blue-tooth’ devices that says “I think I look really cool /important/powerful with this piece of technology strapped to my ear] attached to my head all day and all night because I can’t just leave work at work. That mom who’s idea of sitting with the family for supper means inhaling another cup of coffee while I half listen to my children tell me about their day, ignore my husband, and read over paper work from the office.

I know that I don’t want to be that mom that babies her children until she dies. The one that acts like it’s ok for them to whine and cry and complain and act like brats “just because they don’t know any better.” That mom that lets her children be the parents because she is too worried about upsetting them or not being their friend.

I know that I don’t want to be that mom that makes my kid think he {and maybe one day she} is better than everyone else. That he is above things and people and circumstances. That he is special and priveledged. I don’t want to be the mother of the child that won’t wear anything unless it’s “name brand” because they are “better” than Walmart clothes. I don’t want to know that I raised a child who doesn’t appreciate Christmas gifts or looks down his nose at birthday presents because he doesn’t “want” that toy.

I know that I don’t want to be the mom that doesn’t appreciate my children, their talents, and their uniqueness. The mom that criticizes EVERYTHING that her child does, that never takes notice of the GOOD in her children. The mom of the child whose self-esteem bottoms day after day after day because I don’t life them up and encourage them. Because I don’t take notice of the fact that they brought home a picture that they colored and stayed completely inside the lines. Or that they got their math problems right, or that they got a smiley face sticker on their handwritting paper. I don’t want to be that mom.

I DO want to be the mom that provides a happy, healthy, encouraging environment for my children to grow up. I want to be the mom that teaches her kids right from wrong. Who has healthy meals planned, but gives in to a McDonalds burger every once in a while. The mom that, when I do work outside of the home, gets off work and leaves work AT work. The mom that devotes the time she has at home to running a home and managing a family. I want to be a mom that teaches her children the value of work and how to appreciate the simple things in life. I want to be a mom that my children look up to, and one day are proud of. I want to be the mother of a son who will know how to treat the girls he dates. The mother of a son who knows how to take care of his family. The mother of a son who knows how to cherish his wife. I want to be the mother of son who says one day, “I want to marry a woman like my mom…”  I want to be the mother of a daughter [maybe one day] who knows how to take care of her family. I want to be the mother of a daughter who knows how she should be treated; who knows that she is special and beautiful and unique. I want to be the mother of a daughter who one day says, “I want to be like my mom…”