Words can Change Everything
Living with the mistakes of the past is hard.
No matter how badly you want to move forward and let go…
Sometimes it can be difficult.
Despite the road that life has led me down, letting go of the disappointment that came from flunking out of college only two semesters in, has been one of my hardest battles.
I always felt like I let so many people down, including myself.
Having graduated with such high honors and voted “Most Likely to Succeed” by my Senior Class (no pressure there, right?) left me feeling like so many people expected to see big things from me.
Everyone expected me to go above and beyond…to accomplish great things…to be something great.
And then, when I didn’t…there was embarrassment. There was shame in everything that I didn’t do…everything that I didn’t accomplish.
More than anything, I always felt like I let my parents down. My parents who worked hard and sacrificed to pay for my Private School Education. Parents who always pushed us (my sister and I) to be better…to be more…to have a life outside of the four walls of small town living.
Even after my life took a turn and I became a wife and mother, those nagging thoughts remained.
“You still failed. You still didn’t accomplish anything more than any other woman who becomes a wife and mom. You’re just like everyone else.”
Starting my own business has given me a renewed sense of pride in myself and what I do. I’m contributing to our family financially. I’m chasing down what I want to do, with or without college. And I’m loving every single second of it.
And for the first time in over five years, I don’t feel shame anymore.
I don’t feel like a disappointment.
Because yesterday four little words from my mom changed my entire mentality…changed my entire perspective, and washed away the guilt and shame I’ve felt for a long time:
So glad you are doing what you want to do and feel accomplished and established!
Thanks, love!
Such a moving post. Even as an adult we still appreciate approval from our parents. I’m happy to hear you are able to move forward and be proud of yourself, because you deserve it.
Thank you so much. I think we’ll always need that approval from our parents, no matter how old we are.
It’s funny how people are now rated by of the amount of formal education they possess.
I was the first person in my family to go to university. I graduated and all that, and but I don’t feel proud of it because it wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life. Being a wife and mother has always been my goal, and those things are seriously undervalued.
If you wanted college bad enough, you’d go back. “Failing” at something you never wanted isn’t really failing, is it?
I agree. I always wanted to be a wife and a mom. Those have always been the two most important ambitions in my life. Even when I was in school, I had no desire to attain any “real” education…I was just looking for a husband. Now that I’m a SAHM, I get to do what I REALLY enjoy and still be here for my kid. It’s the best of both worlds for me.
Those words are powerful.
I’ve heard from my family that my education was a waste b/c I’m “just a mom.” SIGH.
Aww, man. Not true. At all. You are so much more than “just a mom.” We (your bloggy stalker-ship) think you’re fabulous!
One of the most difficult things we can do for ourselves is forgiveness. You have done great things. Let go of the past. God clearly had a different direction for you and you have rocked it!
Thanks girl. Your encouragement is always so appreciated!!: )
wow…that last sentence made me cry…wasn’t expecting that…
amazing how even as grown women we still need to hear that from our parents…
Aww, totally didn’t mean to make you cry. 🙂 And you’re right…we will always need our parents no matter how old we are.
I’ve felt that way a lot, like a failure. But as parents now, I think we both realize that regardless of our children decisions, we will always be proud of them. So that gives me comfort in knowing that my Mom feels that same way.
I couldn’t agree more. I don’t think there is anything my kid could do that I wouldn’t STILL be proud of him.
Whoa! That’s awesome Courtney! 🙂 My mom is proud of me but she tells everyone else EXCEPT me… I tell Maddy I’m proud of her all the time!
LOL Isn’t that a pain?! Haha. Wish they’d let US know that more often.
Oh hon! your post made me tear up! Of course she is proud of you! You are not the sum total of your education! You should be proud of all of your accomplishments. A big yeah You from over here:)
(and a great reminder that as Mama’s….our words are so so powerful)
I’ve always known she was proud. But it’s something completely different to HEAR it. And it was a good solid reminder to make sure I’m always encouraging of my kiddo.
Funny how life doesn’t always go the way we think it should but usually puts us right where we should be. Good luck with your new business!
I would give anything to hear those words from my parents. I know they are proud of me – but it would mean so much more to actually hear it. You know? Its a great reminder for me to say it to my daughter often.
It is definitely nice to actually HEAR the words rather than to just always assume they think it. And I try to remember to tell my son that all the time…even if he IS only three and doesn’t quite get it yet.