What I wish they’d told me earlier

You know, people are shady when it comes to telling a mom-to-be what life is really going to be like after their bundle of joy is born. Seriously. It’s kind of sad that we knowing moms hold out on the expecting mothers who are shamelessly clueless as to what they are getting themselves into. It’s almost as if it is some sort of “right of passage” or something. I guess you could call it a learning experience or something [boy, isn’t it?!]; we feel the need to let the moms-to-be learn the lessons the hard way. We listen to them as they oohh and aahh over our kids and how cute their chocolate covered faces are; how sweet that post-diaper explosion and Huggies scented wipes aroma baby smell is and how they “just can’t wait to be a mommy” for the first time. We smile and nod as they go over and over and over how perfect their little coming home outfit is and how excited they are about that fabulous bedding set they bought from Pottery Barn Baby. KNOWING in our hearts that these mama’s are in for a rude awakening just as soon as they step out the door of the hospital.

See, at the hospital, safely inside those closed doors, surrounded by well-wishers, doctors, nurses and midwifes it seems like parenthood is utter and complete bliss. Holding the tiny little lump that is a baby seems like the most natural thing in the world. However, once the car door closes and you, daddy and baby are on your own things to start to get a wee bit hairy. The reality that the “lump” in the backseat actually has needs hits hard. That precious outfit that you probably spent a minor fortune on is now covered in an unknown substance after having been worn for less than 30 minutes; and the crib bedding is covered in spit-up. That baby that seemed to breastfeed so easily in the hospital now doesn’t want anything to do with you [or your boob] and refuses to eat at all. The willingness and eagerness to pass up sleep to “snuggle” with your new born infant catches up with you when you realize that baby doesn’t want to sleep tonight either—just like he didn’t want to sleep the night before [or the night before that…or the night before that…or the night before that]. The man that you were sooo in love with for giving you this ‘gift’ has become a target for oppression and unmentionable death plots. And he soon has to go back to work and you’ll be at home, alone, with your new child.

Sound familiar?

That’s the exact experience I had as a soon-to-be-mom. The husband and I walked through the mall coyly hand-in-hand watching the other moms and their kids and thinking how fortunate we were to be having a baby and that our kid was going to be so well-behaved and we weren’t going to have any major discipline issues and blah blah blah. Don’t get me wrong—Little Man is a HUGE blessing and we are very fortunate to be parents. It’s not, by any means, something we regret. And we really don’t have any major discipline issues yet. But there are just some things about parenting that aren’t exactly  the way other parents let on. Remember when you would ask your friends who already had kids about the trials and tribulations of being a mom/dad? I bet they left a few things out. For instance:

No one pointed out to me when I was pregnant that once my son arrived I would NEVER get to pee with the door closed. Ever. Again. Whether it’s a toddler or a toy, there is always at least one pair of eyes standing and staring at me when I have to go.

Same with the shower…forget those long, hot, relaxing bubble baths that I used to take. Those are history. If for no other reason than because I can’t get in the darn tub with out having to first unload multiple cars, motorcycles, boats and random paraphernalia from the bottom of the bathtub. By the time all of that is done, I’m usually to tired or too cranky to both to “sit” in the bath. Not to mention, it isn’t all that relaxing to have a two year old and his Buzz Lightyear standing beside you asking questions and throwing the football at your head while you’re trying to get your relaxation on.

Having dinner at a nice, quiet, romantic sit down restaurant is no longer a possibility. Mainly because A) places like that don’t often carry crayons in every shade to occupy my toddler, much less coloring pages; B) Elderly couples reminiscing on the “good old days” sitting at the next table tend to prefer the quiet atmosphere over the “Mama! Mama! Watch Mama!” screams that come from a two year old as they spike breadsticks and punt-fake rolls throughout the restaurant.

Sleep? Sleeping late? What’s that? Enough said.

Having friendships with people who don’t have kids [though not impossible] is extremely difficult. Non-moms tend to not completely understand the responsibilities of being a full time parent. They would never tell you to your face that they just don’t get why you can’t just up and go to the mall whenever they want to. Trips to the mall are carefully coordinated events that require multiple outfit changes, extra diapers/pull-ups, enough formula/cheerios to feed a small army and more toys than two kids receive at Christmas to ensure no major tantrums are thrown.

Those multiple hour long…ahem…”get together’s” with the husband are few and far between. The random, sporadic, un-tired, un-interrupted, just for the sake of “doing it” days are over. Not that those things don’t exist in a marriage once a kid comes into the picture, but they are a little less frequent and little less un-planned.

Despite feeling completely and totally left out of the loop by some of my “already mommy” friends, there is nothing that I regret. There is no one else I’d rather sacrifice private bathroom time, sleep and fancy meals for. It’s those big blue eyes and that cheesy grin that make it totally worth it.

Does that mean that I let on to my soon-to-be-mommy friends what’s really in store for them in the coming months/years?

Nah.

They can learn it on their own.  😉

What about you?! What did you learn the hard way? What do you wish someone would have told you before you had a baby? Would it have made any difference? [I doubt it, but for the sake of the question, I had to ask it!]