The Last Letter

Dear Noah,

This is it baby boy.

The last letter I will ever write to you…

as a two year old.

Because in exactly one month, you will be turning THREE. How did that happen? Didn’t you get the memo that you weren’t supposed to grow up so fast? That you needed to slow down, give your mommy a chance to adjust to the fact that you aren’t an infant anymore? That you aren’t a baby and that you are reaching the point of being able to do things on your own, without my help?

You very obviously didn’t. Because you’ve made it quite clear that you are going to continue to grow up right before my eyes, learning and changing and experimenting with the realm of life.

As I sit here writing this letter, your pictures surround me and stare back at me…on from when you were just a tiny guy; maybe 6 or 7 months old. We’re sitting at Papa and Molly’s old house and you have the biggest grin on your face. The others are from last year…our trip to watch the Braves Game while Daddy was on leave from school..me and you at the Georgia Aquarium, one of those random snapshots I took in Grandmama’s front yard. You’re holding my lens cap and cheesing at me…so proud of yourself.

Watching you grow up has been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I’ve always heard that motherhood was the most surreal and amazing experience a woman could have. Needless to say, that is an understatement. I’ve had people ask me why it is that I write these letters every month…why I take time out of my day/month to jot down another letter that basically just says over and over again how much I love you.

The question itself always surprises me. Especially when that question comes from another mother.

Because the truth is, I don’t know that I could ever fully express or explain how much I love you. And it’s my hope that one day when you read these, you’ll at least have SOME kind of idea how much you mean to me and how much I love you.

I hope you never have to experience it, but bad things do happen baby boy. Sometimes other kids lose their parents to a tragic or unforeseen circumstance. It’s not something people like to talk about, but it’s reality. And in the event that the Good Lord calls your mama home before you get old enough to understand it, I want to ensure that you have these little reminders that your mommy loved you with her whole entire heart and would give every last breath in her body to make sure that you never experienced any pain.

Because that’s what mom’s do [and daddy’s, too].

Plus, as fast as you’re growing, I have a hard time keeping with all of the things you’re doing. You learn something new everyday and say some of the funniest things. Have I told you yet how bossy you can be? Because you can. You like things your way, when you want them…a habit that you inherited from both of your parents. Because daddy and I are both a wee bit demanding sometimes. But, it’s okay. Daddy and I like to remind ourselves that even though it’s an issue when we try to differentiate to you the difference between a “want” and a “need.” this habit is really a good one to have. You know what you want and you’re determined. You don’t stop until you get it (usually). So this will make for an amazing attribute as you get older and start setting goals in life.

This month has marked another one of those huge leaps in your vocabulary. You’ve learned that mommy and daddy have real names. Hearing you say “Courtney” and “Josh” is one of the cutest things ever. Especially when you use it upon being asked to do something. Like the other day when I told you it was almost naptime. You looked me with those big blue eyes and said so flippantly, “Ugh. Okay, Courtney;” before going about the rest of your business. I had to smile. It was too cute not to.

College football season started this month. And you get your love for Alabama football from your daddy. You know that Saturday is “Gameday” and insist upon wearing your football jersey from the moment that you wake up. We even had to buy you a kicking tee yesterday so that you could practice your punting. Miss Jana made you an Alabama Houndstooth Pillowcase that you are absolutely in love with. It’s so funny to people who have never experienced college football in the South. But it’s a way of life back at home and it seems like you were born with that little southern gene (thank goodness).

You’ve nailed the potty training thing…finally reaching the point where you aren’t afraid to stand up to go “tee-tee” and even maneuvering your way to the potty seat when you need to do your business. I was so proud the first time you did it by yourself. I might have even announced it to all of my mom friends on Twitter. You’ll probably hate me for that when you’re a teenager, but someday when you’re a daddy yourself, you’ll understand the magnitude of such a small moment. You’ve also taken to enjoying bedtime in mine and daddy’s room. A habit that, although frustrating at times (because you’re a blanket hog), we’re too happy about to change. Because we know that you won’t be like this for long. One day you won’t want to come anywhere near our bed. So for now, we continue to enjoy the little snuggles and cuddles.

Because you’re worth the loss of sleep.

And the lack of blankets.

Most nights…

All of my heart baby boy.

I love you this much (stretches out arms)!

Love,

Mommy