My Favorite Child..
One thing everyone told me when I was pregnant with Jonah was that I would have no trouble loving both of my boys the same. That while I may love them differently, it would still be the same kind of love…the same amount of love. That part is true. I love Jonah as much as I love Noah; and I love Noah as much as I could ever love Jonah. Both of these boys make up entirely different parts of my heart, but complete my life in a way I never knew possible.
What people don’t tell you is that you will have a favorite child.
There’s no way to get around it. I remember that when I was a kid, I used to ask my parents who their favorite daughter was (I still swear it was always my little sister). They never came out and said that they didn’t have a favorite. They just always said that they loved us both the same.
Now, I know that they replied with that because we, as parents, do have a favorite child.
When Jonah is cranky and teething…constantly whimpering and whining because his little mouth is aching and Noah is on the couch playing quietly on the LeapPad, Noah is my favorite child.
When Noah is blatantly defying us and not doing what he’s told…when he’s mixing all nine new tubs of Play-doh together in one big blob (despite being told repeatedly not to) and Jonah is sitting calmly in his bouncy seat making silly faces at me, Jonah is my favorite child.
When Jonah is awake at 3:00 am for the sixth time since being put to bed for no other reason than because he wants to be held and Noah is in his room sleeping soundly, Noah is my favorite child.
When Noah is throwing a tantrum and screaming because things aren’t going just like he wants them to and Jonah is nuzzling sweetly against my shoulder and making sweet baby sounds, Jonah is my favorite child.
See, it’s not about loving one more than the other. It’s about the natural reaction to prefer one child’s behavior over the others. I love both of my boys with my whole entire heart. I couldn’t imagine life without either of them. But, when I’m sleep deprived, over-loaded with work, and in need of a break…it’s easy to have a favorite in whichever child is giving me the least trouble on any given day.
It’s also about realizing that neither of my kids are perfect, and never will be. They will both disappoint me. They will both upset me. They will both let me down.
But, they will both bring me joy. They will both make me giggle and laugh. They both make me smile.
They will both continue to bring me more happiness than I ever knew was possible.
Even if I do occasionally play favorites.
What about you? Can you admit to having a favorite child at some point or another?
I admit to having a hard time with this. I don’t ever want to say I have a favourite child. I understand what you are saying, and it is true. Sometimes one child is easier to parent than an other. That is SO unbelievably true.
Maybe I have a hard time because I do feel this. It isn’t when one child is being particularly annoying. Then I just get frustrated and usually it is directed at everyone. It is when I am spending so much quality time with one child and not the other. So I fight it. And I take this feeling and make sure I let it create change in me. I shift my focus and make sure both children feel like my favourite right away. When my kids ask, I want to honestly say “I don’t have a favourite.”
I wrote a post similar to this once! It’s SO very true, absolutely. Pretty sure I’m the favorite in my family though…. Oh, I kid!! ;p
I agree completely. Sometimes it is the one that needs me least, and sometimes it is the one that needs me most. Sometimes it is the one acting “right”, and sometimes it is the one acting out. The amount I love never changes, only grows, but the favor I feel towards one or the other is in constant flux, sometimes it is balanced, but other times it isn’t.
My feelings change constantly. I have a favorite on Monday who may not be my favorite by Tuesday or, hell, even Monday night. Sometimes, it’s not even the child’s actions, but my own whims that make this change. If I’m tired of turning off the news, my 12 yr old is my favorite because we can discuss most of it. If I’m tired of the oldest’s attitude, my middle girl is always, ALWAYS filled with happiness (and sometimes, that’s irritating!) So I see nothing wrong in feeling this way, let alone admitting it because it’s perfectly normal.
There are definitely times I prefer one child over the other. I still love them both the same but when the small one is throwing a fit I would prefer to be with the big one who is calm. When the big one has attitude I would prefer to be with the small one who likes to cuddle.
ABSOLUTELY. I have four, and on any given day, my favorite is a different one. Based solely on how they’re acting. I do love them all the same and would never tell them I had a favorite, because that child won’t stay the favorite for long.
A wonderful take on favoriting a child… I don’t think I have a favorite, but I prefer to do different things with each child… and the tendency to make comparisons between them is human.
I have 4 children who are now 4,6,8, & 10 and I might have been able to “admit” this a few years ago but three years ago my now 6 year old drowned and by the grace of God and some amazing doctors in the PICU, she is still with us and is 100% fine. She is my spunkiest child and the only one who really throws a fit from time to time and I have to tell you, when she does I love the moments even more. I always think back to that moment pulling her out of the pool and I’m beyond happy that she is still here to test us. These 4 can’t fluster me and I think it is because of that experience. I love watching them figure out life and their place in it and seeing how they handle their own disappointments and frustrations brings me more joy than just watching them run in the park. It does help that I have amazing patience and my husband is theonly one who can really frustrate me. As for a favortite child…. never in my book.
What a beautiful post! It’s so true. Our experiences dictate our preferences – and we’d all prefer an agreeable, sweet child over a screaming one! 🙂
YES, I have a favorite child.
They’re just not the same child every day, heck, not even every hour.
There are those moments, when they’re nice to each other, that I can truly say, no, I don’t have favorites, I love them both the same. 🙂