In His own Time

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It seems like my son is constantly changing. He changes his mind, he changes his clothes, he changes his hobbies and his likes/dislikes… it’s nearly impossible for me to keep up with him. It seems like every time I get one tiny aspect of his little personality figured out, he changes again.

I had an epiphany moment the other day (and no, I’m not referring to the fabulous Epiphanie Camera Bags). One of those “Aha!” moments that seem to come far too infrequently when you become a parent. (Must have something to do with the sleep deprivation and the mommy brain that develops over time.)

I don’t know why I didn’t figure it out before.

It’s been clear from the moment that I went into labor.

My son does everything, and I mean everything in his own time. He can’t be forced into anything. When you try to force him, no matter how hard you try, he’s going to pull against you and do it his own way. It’s been that way from the beginning.

When I was in labor, the doctor kept trying to push me to have a C-Section. Things weren’t progressing the way that they wanted, and they kept telling me that I would never be able to deliver him naturally. I knew in my gut (literally) that he would come when he was ready. And he did. It took him 16 hours and 49 minutes to get here, but he did.

When we tried to take his bottle away from him, he would not have it. He threw tantrums, screamed and cried and begged us to give it back to him. So we caved. The endless nights of not sleeping were too much, and it just wasn’t worth the hassle and the fight. And then one day, out of the clear blue, he just decided he didn’t want a bottle anymore, and went to drinking out of a cup. Just like that…no one made him.

When he was sleeping with his blankie and carrying it around all the time, we never really pushed to get rid of it. It was cute, and I knew in my heart that this phase of childhood and innocence would pass sooner than I wanted it to. But one day, for reasons we never understood, he graduated from the beloved “blank blank” to puppy dog. No one made him, he just did it on his own.

Last summer, when I was trying to potty train him because I was tired of buying pull-ups, he did well for a little over a week. He was into it, and caught on really well. But, then he decided it wasn’t worth the hassle anymore, and he just wouldn’t have it. I kept trying, and he just kept having accidents. This time, he woke up one day and decided he was done with Pull-ups. We put on the big boy pants, and he had less than two accidents every single day. And he wanted to go to the bathroom. Because no one was forcing him, and he was doing it on his own.

{And just in case you’re wondering, he’s brushing up on the latest Men’s Health issue in these photos. And YES he’s actually going potty, and NO I don’t care if you think I’m wrong for taking pictures.}

When we first tried to make the transition to the “big boy bed” it just didn’t happen. When we arrived in Kodiak, we decided not to put the baby rail up on his crib and just use it as a toddler bed. It worked great for nap time when he got so tired that he just passed out. But when bedtime rolled around, it just wasn’t worth it. We put the baby rail back on the bed at midnight, and that was it. Then, when we bought a big boy bed, and he got to choose his own sheets and blankets, we had no issues. The big boy bed was a huge success.

I guess all of that to say simply, we can’t always force our children to fit into our time frame. Kids have little minds of their own, and they work in ways we “adults” can’t grasp. I spent a lot of time this first two and a half years trying to push Little Man into doing things in my time and not in his own. And that’s just not his personality. Nothing wrong with giving our kiddos a nudge to move forward with something, but for my son, that little nudge may feel like a big giant shove to him. And that won’t get any results from him.

So for now, until the REALLY big issues come up (and hopefully we are still a long time from that), I’m just going to go with his intuition, and his timing. He knows what he’s doing, even if I don’t give him credit for it.

How do you know when you’re child is ready to move on to something new? Do you have to encourage them, or do they do things in their own time?