I hope…

I have always had huge, huge dreams for myself. Big ideas. Great anticipations. Hopes. Dreams. There has always been a nagging and pulling feeling in the back of my mind that I was meant to really do something with my life. But to this day, I still haven’t figured it out.

My dream has always been to write.

Ever since I was little, writing has been my release. I started keeping a journal when I was in 4th grade. I mimicked Harriet the Spy when I was in 5th grade…taking up people watching and being nosy at an early age. During Middle School, my journal was my source of comfort on the days that I felt alone and outcast {which was quite often}. I wrote out my feelings of “love” and “heartbreak” in high school; captured my ups and downs with depression and alcohol in high school and college;chronicled mine and my husbands love story and later my pregnancy in my early 20’s. As far back as I can remember, writing and words have been a passion.

When I had Little Man in 2008, my love for photography and desire to capture really beautiful photos grew. I bought an SLR, spent endless amounts of time editing photos and studying about lighting, and shot everything I could. To say that photography is my other great passion, would be an understatement.

But despite knowing what I love and knowing what I have a heart to do, I have a hard time figuring out what GOD wants me to use the things for. I spent most mornings while we were living in Florida watching Joyce Meyer. I have read several Beth Moore books and done several studies. Nicholas Sparks is my favorite author. And Twilight is a literary infatuation like no other. I feel like my place, my plan, my purpose lies somewhere in the midst of all of that.

Ever since I saw A Walk to Remember, I knew that that’s something that I wanted to do with my life. I wanted [and still do] a book so touching, so moving, so…real, that someone would want to adapt it to the big screen. I want to write something that people want to see come to life. That desire grew when I read and watched Twilight. When I read Beth Moore and see Joyce Meyer speak, I’m filled with this burning desire to share my story and impact the lives of people around me. To do something with my life that is going to really and truly make a difference.

When I look at photos by Ansel Adams, the idea of creating a photo so beautiful that people are left breathless and deep in thought, sometimes brings me to my knees with desire. I am in some way reaching this point in my life where I simply want to surround myself with beauty and elegance and creativity. To spend my days writing, shooting, seeking out the world in a new way.

And I’m beginning to feel like something about this journey to Alaska is going to open up opportunities for me. There is a reason that Alaska is going to be our home for the next 2-4 years. There is a reason that this creative desire has reared its head so strongly the past few weeks. And I am dying to find out what that reason is.