I Hated High School
I was never one of those people that enjoyed High School.
Think 13 Going on 30.
I was that girl. I was a total Jenna Rink meets Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink.
I wasn’t a total loser, or a geek, or really even an odd man out.
I just wasn’t “in.”
I didn’t get my braces until I was in 10th grade. 10TH GRADE. I went to Prom Junior and Senior Year, with braces. Granted, my teeth look pretty fabulous now, I hate looking through my high school yearbook at the photos of me smiling. Really. ::Shudder::
I was in the drama club, spent most of my free time studying, and worked a steady job. I was kind of a Geek. Although I didn’t make Valedictorian or Salutatorian when I graduated, I was 6th in my class, and had an overall 96.8 average and a 4.0 GPA (See? NERD). I was in all the “smart kids clubs” like the Beta Club and the National Honor Society. And I was definitely no social butterfly.
I was never comfortable in my own skin. Never sure of who I was. I didn’t really “fit” in anywhere. I had a small group of friends that I associated with, but never felt like I belonged anywhere in particular. I never really dated, until my Senior Year (and that ended in a total disaster). I was just not one of those girls. I didn’t make the cheerleading squad. And although I was on the basketball team and softball team, I never saw any playing time (although, I admit I was actually good at softball. But that’s the price you pay when you attend a private school).
I remember I wrote a post my Junior year about cliques and how our small private school was full of arrogance and people who only received special treatment because of their last name (small town living, anyone?).
That landed me in the Headmistresses office to explain why I was so “pessimistic and negative” about our school.
The girl that I was then and the woman that I am now are like two completely different creatures.
College opened my eyes to a world entirely different than I was used to. Once we left our small town and moved to a bigger place, I realized that I had a lot to offer. The guys that wouldn’t pay me any attention in high school, were some of my closest friends. We hung out outside of class. They came to our (by “our” I mean mine and my 3 roommates) apartment. I pledged a sorority. A good sorority. Actually, the best sorority on our campus.
But I still spent a lot of time feeling left out and comparing myself to other girls. To my roommates, to my sorority sisters, to my friends. I never had an actual “date” the entire time I was in college. Ever. Sure, I was invited to the frat parties, and actually dated a guy on the college Golf Team who invited me to come watch his games a few times. But an actual dinner and a movie date? Nada.
Looking back over those years of self-doubt, demoralizingly low self-esteem, and awkwardness, I realize that those moments have left me more sure and more confident of who I am now.
And they’ve prepared me for the possibility of dealing with my child(rens) insecurities someday. I’ve reached a point in my life where I can be proud of who I am, and where my life is going.
I’m still working on feeling 100% confident in my own skin, but I’m a lot better off than I was. I look at the photo of me from high school, and the recent shot taken from our family photos we just had made, and I smile. I like who I am now, a lot better than the “me” I was then. (Granted, I do miss my long hair. Working on growing it back out…)
Nonetheless, I’m a work in progress.
But given the chance, I’d never redo those awkward years.
Because, in all honesty, I really did hate high school.
And my life right now, is pretty darn fabulous.
Who were you in high school? A jock, a drama club member, a cheerleader?
How is the person you were then, different from the person you are now?
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*High School portrait was taken by Cashwell Photography back in 2005…
[…] I Flunked out of College August 31, 2011 By Courtney K. Leave a Comment I’ve mentioned before that high school wasn’t exactly the highlight of my life. […]
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Oh my, some of this story could be mine! I too hated high, all the cliques, I just didn’t fit in at all. I had a small group that I hung with but even with them I didn’t quiet fit in. The only club I was in was the art club, I think I got along better with the art teachers than I did with the students! People always seemed amazed when I tell them I hate high school, even my husband doesn’t quiet get it as even though he wasn’t in the “popular” crowd, everyone knew who he was (expect me, he was 3 years ahead of me!).
Though I ‘ve grown more comfortable with who I am (thanks to my husband), I still find I don’t fit in with the other moms/parents and still have very few friends but coming across your site today, reading some of your post I realize that I’m not alone in how I feel, even if you are 10 years younger than me! Thank you.
Thank you, Laura! It’s always so nice to realize that we aren’t alone in feeling like high school wasn’t the greatest thing ever. I still talk to people I went to school with who ramble on (even now) that it was “so awesome” and that they would “love to do it again.” Never been one of those people. I think I was much cooler then than people gave me credit for, but I just didn’t follow the crowd. I connected with my teachers, too. I was a total teacher’s pet, but not because I was a suck up. I just didn’t care for all of the high school drama.
So happy you stopped by! I would love to see you around again! 🙂
[…] little things that seemed to wrap up your existence, just don’t mean that much. Whether it’s high school, college, or bad relationships…there are some things that just don’t […]
I had a hard time fitting in in high school and college too and comparison is definitely my downfall. I still do it to this day and am trying very hard not to. It’s not at all what I want to emulate for my daughter. Not at all. I love your honesty in this though. Helps to know we’re not alone.
I think it’s human nature to compare. None of us really mean to, but it’s difficult when the entire world is telling you to be doing things a certain way. 🙂 You are most definitely not alone!!
Safe to say I was a dork. I didn’t hate high school, but I didn’t love it either. I just found an old diary I had in high school, and it appears I spent most of my time bored, on the phone with my best friend, and waiting for the weekend. College on the other hand opened up an entirely new world to me.
I have all of my journals from high school. I actually pulled them out tonight with the hopes of writing some blogs from some of the entries. Should be fun to go back and reread them all. 🙂 And yes, college brought on an entirely new world for me too.
I never liked high school either. I couldn’t deal with the drama and the cliques. I was friends with the popular kids, but more so by association, not for me. I never felt like I really fit in anywhere. But now? I’m a totally different person.
I feel the same way. The popular kids were nice to me and we associated, but it was never a “get together and go out on the weekends” kind of thing. I’m just thankful those days are behind me and I can revel in who I am NOW.
high school was a great learning experience but i would never EVER do it again. and it wasn’t even 5 years ago. gr.10 nearly ruined the relationship i had with my mom (thanks teenage rebellion & horrible boyfriend #1), gr.11 was a bit of a blur, but obviously couldn’t have been very important, and gr.12 was spent dieting, gyming, and throwing up in an attempt to have the ‘perfect grad’. which was completely forgotten about by summer. university definitely made up for it though! i hope i remember all of the things i went through so i won’t be so hard on my kids one day while they make the transition from pre-teen to teen to young adult!
I couldn’t agree more! My relationship with my mom was pretty off and on during high school. We bonded over some issues, and fought over others. Now that I’m a mom, I feel a bit guilty for giving her such crap during those days of rebellion. And you’re right! It will definitely give me a fresher perspective when my son (and hopefully one day a daughter) hit those teenage years!
I didn’t fit into a specific group, my friends (people form most every group) called me the glue because I had a weird way of getting for example ‘jocks’ and ‘goths’ or ‘nerds’ to hang out with each-other and actually like each-other. But yeah, gosh I actually loved highschool
Lucky you! I think it’s great when I run across people who actually liked high school. 🙂
Oh man I was such a brat in highschool. I wish I could go back and concentrate more on school then boys and being “popular” none of that matters in the real life. I am glad that what you went through back then made you stronger but still High School is so so lame. I laugh at the girls i used to babysit and they are in high school now and all they care about is being popular.
So dumb.
Ugh, right? It cracks me up to be around a bunch of high school girls now. I laugh to myself, remembering when I was there and thought the entire world revolved around who was dating who and who was going to the football game on Friday nights. So happy those days are over.