I Hated High School
I was never one of those people that enjoyed High School.
Think 13 Going on 30.
I was that girl. I was a total Jenna Rink meets Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink.
I wasn’t a total loser, or a geek, or really even an odd man out.
I just wasn’t “in.”
I didn’t get my braces until I was in 10th grade. 10TH GRADE. I went to Prom Junior and Senior Year, with braces. Granted, my teeth look pretty fabulous now, I hate looking through my high school yearbook at the photos of me smiling. Really. ::Shudder::
I was in the drama club, spent most of my free time studying, and worked a steady job. I was kind of a Geek. Although I didn’t make Valedictorian or Salutatorian when I graduated, I was 6th in my class, and had an overall 96.8 average and a 4.0 GPA (See? NERD). I was in all the “smart kids clubs” like the Beta Club and the National Honor Society. And I was definitely no social butterfly.
I was never comfortable in my own skin. Never sure of who I was. I didn’t really “fit” in anywhere. I had a small group of friends that I associated with, but never felt like I belonged anywhere in particular. I never really dated, until my Senior Year (and that ended in a total disaster). I was just not one of those girls. I didn’t make the cheerleading squad. And although I was on the basketball team and softball team, I never saw any playing time (although, I admit I was actually good at softball. But that’s the price you pay when you attend a private school).
I remember I wrote a post my Junior year about cliques and how our small private school was full of arrogance and people who only received special treatment because of their last name (small town living, anyone?).
That landed me in the Headmistresses office to explain why I was so “pessimistic and negative” about our school.
The girl that I was then and the woman that I am now are like two completely different creatures.
College opened my eyes to a world entirely different than I was used to. Once we left our small town and moved to a bigger place, I realized that I had a lot to offer. The guys that wouldn’t pay me any attention in high school, were some of my closest friends. We hung out outside of class. They came to our (by “our” I mean mine and my 3 roommates) apartment. I pledged a sorority. A good sorority. Actually, the best sorority on our campus.
But I still spent a lot of time feeling left out and comparing myself to other girls. To my roommates, to my sorority sisters, to my friends. I never had an actual “date” the entire time I was in college. Ever. Sure, I was invited to the frat parties, and actually dated a guy on the college Golf Team who invited me to come watch his games a few times. But an actual dinner and a movie date? Nada.
Looking back over those years of self-doubt, demoralizingly low self-esteem, and awkwardness, I realize that those moments have left me more sure and more confident of who I am now.
And they’ve prepared me for the possibility of dealing with my child(rens) insecurities someday. I’ve reached a point in my life where I can be proud of who I am, and where my life is going.
I’m still working on feeling 100% confident in my own skin, but I’m a lot better off than I was. I look at the photo of me from high school, and the recent shot taken from our family photos we just had made, and I smile. I like who I am now, a lot better than the “me” I was then. (Granted, I do miss my long hair. Working on growing it back out…)
Nonetheless, I’m a work in progress.
But given the chance, I’d never redo those awkward years.
Because, in all honesty, I really did hate high school.
And my life right now, is pretty darn fabulous.
Who were you in high school? A jock, a drama club member, a cheerleader?
How is the person you were then, different from the person you are now?
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*High School portrait was taken by Cashwell Photography back in 2005…
You don’t look awkward AT ALL in your pic… still beautiful!
I WAS a cheerleader and got along with everyone but still always felt awkward. People would tell me I was pretty and I didn’t receive it. I think alot of people are insecure no matter what “group” they belonged to.
Aww, thank you! 🙂 Too sweet! But I definitely felt awkward, as I think most girls at that age do whether they admit it or not. It took me a long time to learn to receive compliments, and even now, I have a hard time with it.
Ah, good ol’ ACA. Just like so many other high schools and/or private schools across the country. I’m amused (but not all that surprised) that you got called into BL’s office about that. I feel pretty similar to you about my time in high school, and I’m glad there’s more to life than what kind of car you drive, what your last name is, whether you are a cheerleader, etc. The sad part is for so many of these small towns in America, that’s what grown-up life is about, too!
I wouldn’t do it over again, either!
Oh yeah. BL was not very happy with me for writing that. Neither was Eva. She’s the one who turned me in. Haha. Told me that I just didn’t “understand” how things worked. Made me irate then, but it gives me a laugh now. And you’re right. Small town America never changes. I was back home for a while last summer, and it was the same people doing the same thing with the same attitude. Glad I was able to make it out. 🙂 Hope you guys are doing great!
I think high school is very tough for kids. I didn’t like it either. I was always friends with the popular kids but I never really fit with them in my opinion. I was glad to graduate early.
I can’t blame you there. If I could have finished earlier, I would definitely have taken the opportunity.
I didn’t have a normal high school experiance at all because I was homschooled; but its something I wouldn’t trade for anything! I didn’t have to worry about being popular or fitting in at all because I just hung out with my friends from Chruch and that was enoug for me!
I also didn’t date much in high school or even afterwards; I had a total of 2 boyfriends before I meet my hubby and thats another thing that I wouldn’t change for anything ( even though I wouldn’t have said it then!) I love that I didn’t have this long line of boyfriends that had come beofore hubby who had a peice of my heart. Instead I was able to give all of me to the one man that God had planned for me!!
We are seriously considering homeschooling our son when he gets a little older. It’s something we go back and forth about a lot. I think it’s awesome that you were able to give your entire heart to your husband. I dated one or two guys pretty seriously, but it wasn’t until I met my husband that I realized that I never really knew what love was. But, that is a whole different post… 🙂
You literally just wrote my story. I was a total dork in HS. I had a group of 8 friends, but we were outcasts. I went to a small women’s college and really blossomed. The rest of my friends went to large universities and we don’t talk anymore (I think they got too cool for me). But I don’t regret any of it. I am a much stronger woman today than I was then and I’m more prepared to tackle any insecurities my kids may face. Great post my friend.
Thanks, girl. You and I are such kindred spirits in so many ways. If we end up stationed in NC when we leave here, we’ll HAVE to get together and visit. I have learned to own the fact that I was a dork. No doubt about it. I just go with it. Because I happen to think dorks are pretty cool. 🙂
Two very pretty photos!
I always hate answering that question because I was part of “the” group. I was a cheerleader, played softball, had a few boyfriends, went to the parties, made awesome grades, had popular friends etc… I am not ashamed of it. There were times when I felt like I was on the outside too, I still compared myself to other girls like crazy and had low self-esteem. But for the most part High School was pretty fun for me. I hate answering that question because I feel like people hate “me” because they hated those girls in high school. I get awful looks and rude comments ALL THE TIME when people find out I was a cheerleader. Like once they find out who I was in high school they suddenly think less of me. At least my cheerleader friends in high school accepted me for me… unlike now, I am suddenly looked down on because of what I did in high school. I realize that some girls can be mean, there are some cheerleaders who are dumb, snobby and slutty but that wasn’t me or my friends (or any other cheerleaders I knew). When people ask me that question “What did you do in High School” I usually tell them everything BUT being a cheerleader because I don’t feel like defending myself all over again against their judgements. It’s really not fair. I’m ranting… sorry. I think your post is great! And I hear private schools can be awful! There are a couple in Montgomery that most people will never send their kids to… You are a confident woman now and you should definitely be proud of who you are!
I think that the people who judge like that, are the ones who haven’t quite come to terms with who they are NOW. It doesn’t bother me a bit to know that you (or anyone else) was a cheerleader. That’s total profiling and I hate when I’m placed into a category because of something I wear/say/believe. Private school had a lot of benefits, but yes. As for the money, the cliques, the brands… it was awful.
Pretty weird because I had kind of the opposite experience in high school – was pretty popular, out of my awkward phase, had the gorgeous & popular boyfriend that was a soccer star, etc. and I still hated high school. So just goes to show that no matter how different your experience is, you can still have the same outcome. I wouldn’t go back for anything. BLECH.
Girl, for real. High School = not worth it. The drama? So not interested in that anymore. Glad I never have to do it again. We just have to live it through our kids this time…
I think everyone has a different persona in High School than they do later in life, one way or another….it’s part of growing up so I think if you see someone who hasn’t changed with age then they’re probably just as immature as they were back then. I admire the fact that you can expose your previous insecurities and embrace your confidence now, that’s awesome!
I was a (the captain) cheerleader in High School, very much so “in shape” and confident. Looking back, I have grown a lot since then (I’m 25) and at the same time my confidence has shrunk since then, it’s weird. I never had to try to be in shape, between gymnastics, weight training and Cheerleading every.single.semester I never had to think about it but now after the college weight gain, losing it for the wedding, gaining it back while TTC and then holding on to some of the baby weight, I’m nowhere near as confident as I was back then but I think I’m a better person…confidence or not because I don’t feel like entitled or like I’m just “the stuff” anymore. LOL. Not to say I didn’t have my insecurities back then, I mean I was the biggest girl on my squad in HS (at a size 4) but I could always cancel that out because I was also the strongest; I was definitely the most pale on the squad (and probably in the school) because I cannot tan and due to family history will not force myself and I definitely wasn’t the prettiest girl but I think I used my strength to cover for my insecurities.
Every step in life teaches lessons and High School is a big part of life, so there are bound to be lessons learned there!
Thanks for your story!
I was really in shape in high school, too. I never had to really work at being fit. I played basketball so we practiced year around (okay, I didn’t actually “play” but I was on the team…so I had to go to practice) which meant a LOT of running. And I played softball both at school and with the city. I didn’t have to watch what I ate or any of that. So I can totally identify with the confidence struggle that comes after having a baby. I’m holding onto an extra 5-7 pounds right now and can’t seem to shake it. Thanks for sharing a little bit of your experience with me! 🙂
You didn’t graduate til 2005? I didn’t realize you were that much younger than me! LOL! High school was good and bad. I loved it and I hated it. I had a lot of fun, and great friends, but it was also a tough time at home and so that puts a sad twinge on even the best memories. I may have been active and out doing things all the time, but it was mostly (in the beginning) to be away from my home life. And I can totally relate to the small town drama as well 😉 For the record, you look gorgeous in both of those photos 🙂
LOL Yep. Class of 05! Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m not older than that. Because, truthfully, I felt 24, over five years ago. Age is just a number right? I think part of my issues with high school were the things I dealt with at home, too. My home life wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t easy either. Lots of things going on at different times that made escaping to school that much better. And thank you! 🙂 You’re sweet!
I don’t even want to tell you who I was in highschool, haha. Basically, I was someone I’m not. When I look back, I don’t understand the person I was. And I’m so glad I am who I am today. I’m finally (and have been for a few years) the person I really am.
I think we’re all someone we really aren’t in high school. Whether that’s a good OR a bad thing. I wasn’t “bad” in high school, but I was definitely not the same person that I am now. Constant change and evolving continually is part of life. Thank God we don’t have to go back and do it over again, right? 🙂