I Flunked out of College
I’ve mentioned before that high school wasn’t exactly the highlight of my life.
And growing up in a small town no one has ever heard of was enough of an encouragement to do anything and everything that I could to leave my high school memories behind and make something of myself.
I never wanted to live in that small town. Never wanted to raise my kids in a place where getting out and doing more was a struggle or was looked down upon.
So, all throughout high school, I worked my butt off to make the grades. Studied like a crazy person to make sure that my grades were as good as they could be so that I could get a scholarship and go to college. Go to college far, far away if I wanted. I grew up in a one-income family and I always knew that there was no way my parents could pay for me to go to college.
There wasn’t a week that went by during my teen years when I didn’t hear something along the lines of: If you think you want to go to college, you better study so you can get a scholarship. Because we can’t afford to send you.
There was no shame in that. My dad worked hard to allow my mom to do what she wanted to do: be a mom. And they always encouraged me to go after whatever dreams I had—whether it was to become a business woman or just be a mom.
My Senior Year came and went and I ended up graduating 6th in my class with a 4.0 GPA. I was granted three scholarships and enough money in Government Pell Grants to fully pay for my school each year, and have enough cash left over to fully cover the expense of living in a Private Apartment just of campus with three of my girlfriends.
I had my chance. I was out. I had left my little small town and made it to college.
And I screwed it up.
The parties, the boys, the sorority responsibilities, the influence of people who didn’t have the same ambitions that I did…
It all led me to make some pretty stupid decisions and lose every. single. bit. of the scholarship money I had once worked so hard to earn.
The first semester wasn’t that bad. I took 17 hours worth of classes, including two Honors Classes (English Composition and History) and ended up with a 3.5 GPA.
Not bad for a Freshman who was juggling a part time after school waitressing job, way too many classes, Sorority Responsibilities (which, included meetings on Mondays, three hours of study hall on Tuesday and Wednesday, Socials and/or Swaps on Thursdays, and usually a frat party to appear at on Friday or Saturday) and working 6 hours a week for the Universities Newspaper.
But the second semester was a disaster. I spent more time in the bar and the frat house than I Did in the classroom. I “earned” two F’s, a D and two C’s that semester. Bringing my GPA to a whopping 1.8.
The letters of scholarship probation came.
And eventually, I lost all of it. Lost the funds. Lost the chance to get away and ended up moving back home with my parents.
My life took another turn and I’ve ended up much farther away than I initially imagined (um. Hello? Alaska?!) But it took me a long time to get over the guilt and the disappointment I had in myself for those mistakes. It took a lot of self-examination and forgiveness. It took the love of my husband and his support…pushing me to believe that I could still accomplish whatever I want, despite my past mistakes.
After all of that…after all of the mistakes I’ve made…I couldn’t be happier with where I’m at right now.
And no college degree could change that.
*Sharing this with Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop today!
Love this Courtney, love that you have made peace with your decisions. I too have finally gotten to a place where I feel comfortable with the decisions I’ve made and what has gotten me to this point and it feels great, doesn’t it?
Your site looks great too, every time I visit you I tell myself I need to visit more often.
YES you should! LOL you should come back every day! 🙂 And you’re so right. It feels so…freeing to making peace and come to terms with the mistakes of the past and embrace the possibility of the future. Hope you guys have a great weekend!
In my experience, the college degree doesn’t always trump life experience anyway, I’m glad that where you are now is fulfilling and that you know you can achieve anything you strive for, that the degree does NOT define you. Or any of us.
Life experience is so much more valuable than education, in my opinion. Anyone can learn what’s in a book, but learning to apply those principals is what really counts.
Amazing isn’t it how our best laid plans are the ones that never work out? I still think back to all the colleges I was accepted to and then think to now and how different my life would be had I chosen a different path. Glad to hear you’re happy with how your life has turned out thus far despite the “college” disappointment. 🙂
Thank you! I don’t think I’d even be using my degree if I managed to finish.
I don’t use my degree and I have no desire to. And I will be paying student loans til I’m 80.
LOL Yep. Still paying those suckers off myself. All $8000 worth.
I don’t consider my college degree worth anything…at least not in the town I live. At my last job I was the ONLY one besides my boss to have a 4-year degree and still got passed over for promotions and stuff. THe only good thing was that I found design through college and it did help my hubby land his wonderful job.
I was one of those people who never opened a book or read a chapter through High School or college but I will say that I made WAY worse grades in College than in High School…I always say that if I would have actually TRIED, I might have been able to do really well…but really, who cares? My attitude was “if I get this degree, nobody’s gonna care what my grades were” which was totally true and now I’m not using my degree or anything anyway….
I think that it’s totally up to you on what college means…if it means success, do it, if it doesn’t, don’t…that’s my theory!
You’re great and look at you now 🙂
Thanks girl! Agreed! I don’t know that a college degree would ever really be worth anything for me. It’s not something that I even really care about now.
Such an honest post! 🙂
I too, did not finish college, but not because of the same reasons. I went to a Christian college, but they had very high academic standards, and I just could not keep up with the grades no matter how hard I tried. I finally went home after two years and finished online with just a general Associate’s Degree. I still want my Bachelor’s but no money for it now. I am just happy to be a wife and a momma!
I think that you are smart woman and you know what you want. You don’t need a college degree for that. You go girl for achieving your dreams!
Thank you, Kathryn! I’m extremely happy doing exactly what I’m doing now. And the degree I was pursuing would have been totally useless at this point!
You know- at that age- it’s amazing the responsibility we expect kids to take on.
It’s a wonder any of us ever gets through even a single semester.
A mistake? Sure. But it led you to where you are now.
EXACTLY. That’s a lot of pressure on an 18 year old. I hope I can always remember that and implement that mentality when Noah gets to be that age.
I graduated high school on the honour roll and got a small scholarship for university. I lost it by the end of the first year. I basically did what you did – drank, partied and worked instead of cranking out papers. I never wanted to be a “career” woman – I always wanted to settle down, marry and have kids – and that’s mainly why I think I didn’t put in 100%. And when I was 18, picking a university program that would interest me for the rest of my life? Impossible.
I did make it through and graduate without any victory laps, but my post-secondary experience was negative enough that if my kids want to take a year off after high school to figure themselves out I will wholeheartedly allow it.
Same here. My best friend and roommate always said that we were working toward our MRS degree. We both wanted to have kids and get married. And we both got it. I would be a complete advocate for encouraging my son to take a year (or two) off to figure out who he is and what he wants out of life before jumping into college. I think it would make a HUGE difference.
Sometimes college isn’t for everyone. I took a year off after high school (I HAD to, I had a baby) and then went back. I struggled. It wasn’t for me. I was working towards a major that I didn’t really want, but felt that I had to do. I didn’t enjoy it. So eventually I stopped going and withdrew. To this day I still haven’t finished my degree. I’m 2 semesters away, but you know what? It’s credits towards a major that I’m not interested in anymore.
Life has a funny way of changing its course on us when we don’t expect it. Sometimes we don’t even see it happening. But always? It makes us better people.
That’s the path I was on, too. I was working toward a degree (actually about 5 of them) that I would never use now. One day I’d like to go back, but start over completely with a clean slate and work toward something that I REALLY enjoy.
Love this post! It’s amazing what the support of someone you love can do!
Thank you, Austin! You are ABSOLUTELY correct!