I Flunked out of College
I’ve mentioned before that high school wasn’t exactly the highlight of my life.
And growing up in a small town no one has ever heard of was enough of an encouragement to do anything and everything that I could to leave my high school memories behind and make something of myself.
I never wanted to live in that small town. Never wanted to raise my kids in a place where getting out and doing more was a struggle or was looked down upon.
So, all throughout high school, I worked my butt off to make the grades. Studied like a crazy person to make sure that my grades were as good as they could be so that I could get a scholarship and go to college. Go to college far, far away if I wanted. I grew up in a one-income family and I always knew that there was no way my parents could pay for me to go to college.
There wasn’t a week that went by during my teen years when I didn’t hear something along the lines of: If you think you want to go to college, you better study so you can get a scholarship. Because we can’t afford to send you.
There was no shame in that. My dad worked hard to allow my mom to do what she wanted to do: be a mom. And they always encouraged me to go after whatever dreams I had—whether it was to become a business woman or just be a mom.
My Senior Year came and went and I ended up graduating 6th in my class with a 4.0 GPA. I was granted three scholarships and enough money in Government Pell Grants to fully pay for my school each year, and have enough cash left over to fully cover the expense of living in a Private Apartment just of campus with three of my girlfriends.
I had my chance. I was out. I had left my little small town and made it to college.
And I screwed it up.
The parties, the boys, the sorority responsibilities, the influence of people who didn’t have the same ambitions that I did…
It all led me to make some pretty stupid decisions and lose every. single. bit. of the scholarship money I had once worked so hard to earn.
The first semester wasn’t that bad. I took 17 hours worth of classes, including two Honors Classes (English Composition and History) and ended up with a 3.5 GPA.
Not bad for a Freshman who was juggling a part time after school waitressing job, way too many classes, Sorority Responsibilities (which, included meetings on Mondays, three hours of study hall on Tuesday and Wednesday, Socials and/or Swaps on Thursdays, and usually a frat party to appear at on Friday or Saturday) and working 6 hours a week for the Universities Newspaper.
But the second semester was a disaster. I spent more time in the bar and the frat house than I Did in the classroom. I “earned” two F’s, a D and two C’s that semester. Bringing my GPA to a whopping 1.8.
The letters of scholarship probation came.
And eventually, I lost all of it. Lost the funds. Lost the chance to get away and ended up moving back home with my parents.
My life took another turn and I’ve ended up much farther away than I initially imagined (um. Hello? Alaska?!) But it took me a long time to get over the guilt and the disappointment I had in myself for those mistakes. It took a lot of self-examination and forgiveness. It took the love of my husband and his support…pushing me to believe that I could still accomplish whatever I want, despite my past mistakes.
After all of that…after all of the mistakes I’ve made…I couldn’t be happier with where I’m at right now.
And no college degree could change that.
*Sharing this with Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop today!
I love that you own the consequences of that. We all do something like that – on a small scale or a large one – but the lessons learned are invaluable. And I totally believe that somehow this sort of thing contributes to getting us where we need to be. I’m glad it got you there!
I agree completely. I’m a firm believer that each and every situation, no matter how big or small, is a tiny step toward the life we were meant to live and the person we were meant to become. I love where I am now and wouldn’t change it for anything.
Are you in my brain this week or what!? This is basically my exact story. Went to college, joined a sorority right away, let drugs/alcohol/parties take priority, went home for summer break, found out no more loans or scholarships, couldn’t go back.
Wouldn’t change a thing looking back. I’m right where God wants me to be right now! I could have been dead had I stayed on that path!
Yay for us!
YEP! That’s EXACTLY what happened to me! I always steered clear of the drugs, but was extremely familiar with the parties and the alcohol. I wouldn’t change anything either. THIS life, is better than anything I would have done at college.
Yup, that’s pretty much my story, minus the sorority. I eventually worked my way back up to a 3.46 and graduated after six years of college with a BS in mass comm. Then I decided to be a math teacher. Then a SAHM. And a blogger.
It’s nice to have all those life experiences to draw on now, isn’t it?!
It really is. As hard as it was to accept, I learned so much from it. About myself and lessons on life that I’ll be able to pass on to my kid(s) someday. And I’m pretty dang happy right now being a SAHM and blogger.
Another great story my friend – if anything, I think College just teaches us to learn and problem solve. Whether that be in the classroom or the way you learned it. Either way, I see a much stronger woman today!
Thank you, Ashley! I definitely think that that experience gave me a great perspective and life experience I can pass on someday.
We all make mistakes… there is plenty I have regrets about. And hey, you did get out of your town eventually! That’s the wonderful thing about grace… despite our failures, when we turn to God He puts us back on His path. He may not take our consequences away but He will put us back where we belong. 🙂
For me, it was high school when I made a lot of mistakes… and it took me a long time to forgive myself too.
You are ABSOLUTELY right! I think this path I’m on now is 100 times better than anything I would have gone after myself.
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us. Wow… and that’s some good advice to take in: self-examination and forgiveness. I truly enjoyed your story. 😀
Thank you, so much! So happy you stopped by and found it encouraging!
You are very welcome! 😀
Oh I can relate, I was able to finish, but barely, and not for over 10 years after beginning. I carried around this same disappointment for years. I went back and finished my last classes, but I had started to come to terms with it shortly before. The opportunity arose and I’m glad I took it, but guess what? I’m in no better a situation now than I was before I got my diploma.
I think that the economy is making it a moot point as to whether or not you have a college degree. I have friends with degrees who have been unemployed for years.
Totally been there…I started out at a 4 year university in 2005 (with a chance to go to a private university, but not enough money), with a scholarship, and a membership in the Honors College (living in small town, Texas, USA). 1st semester I got the probation letters, and second semester I petitioned to take a May-mester (5-week) class to (just barely) bring my GPA up enough to keep the scholarships a little bit longer, but I was kicked out of the Honors College after the first year.
Nevertheless, I kept going. I didn’t have the sorority thing, and the money to move away from home, because my parents made too much money, but the whole grade thing & whatnot. My university grades were less than pleasurable and for several years I thought I’d get kicked out. Once I found my niche, I pulled my GPA up a little, and I graduated 3 weeks ago from the School of Social Work (2.7 GPA- not great, but I made it). My SW GPA is a 3.7. It took a while for me to “figure things out” but I got there. It took 6 years, but I got there. It took some work, but I got there. Now all that time I spent kicking myself for getting kicked out of Honors College and losing my scholarship I can spend telling myself “but I still made it!!”
But it is a bit of a downer when you go in there with such high hopes and drop down so far. I know the feeling. I graduated salutatorian of my class with a 4.2 (honors classes- we were just big enough to have them…barely). I worked so hard to get there. All that lost in college was a bit of a wake up call.
Alaska?!….
That’s pretty much the same story. It was a HUGE letdown to come out of high school having done so well and then lose it all so quickly in college.
Yep! Alaska! The life of a military family. 🙂
College is not for everyone and that’s okay. I tried to go to college when I got out of high school and it didn’t work. I went back a couple years later and graduated with a degree that I wanted rather than just one that I picked because I was supposed to pick something.
I don’t think any 18 year old knows what they REALLY want to do with life. And I think there is too much pressure placed on kids to go to college and figure it out so soon.
I love this post. I don’t think you should be disappointed at all! You’re obviously smart but that type of setting isn’t for all of us. I totally get this.
BTW, I love your layout.
Thank you, Carri! Now that I’m older and “wiser,” I realize that formal education really is a bit overrated.