I Flunked out of College
I’ve mentioned before that high school wasn’t exactly the highlight of my life.
And growing up in a small town no one has ever heard of was enough of an encouragement to do anything and everything that I could to leave my high school memories behind and make something of myself.
I never wanted to live in that small town. Never wanted to raise my kids in a place where getting out and doing more was a struggle or was looked down upon.
So, all throughout high school, I worked my butt off to make the grades. Studied like a crazy person to make sure that my grades were as good as they could be so that I could get a scholarship and go to college. Go to college far, far away if I wanted. I grew up in a one-income family and I always knew that there was no way my parents could pay for me to go to college.
There wasn’t a week that went by during my teen years when I didn’t hear something along the lines of: If you think you want to go to college, you better study so you can get a scholarship. Because we can’t afford to send you.
There was no shame in that. My dad worked hard to allow my mom to do what she wanted to do: be a mom. And they always encouraged me to go after whatever dreams I had—whether it was to become a business woman or just be a mom.
My Senior Year came and went and I ended up graduating 6th in my class with a 4.0 GPA. I was granted three scholarships and enough money in Government Pell Grants to fully pay for my school each year, and have enough cash left over to fully cover the expense of living in a Private Apartment just of campus with three of my girlfriends.
I had my chance. I was out. I had left my little small town and made it to college.
And I screwed it up.
The parties, the boys, the sorority responsibilities, the influence of people who didn’t have the same ambitions that I did…
It all led me to make some pretty stupid decisions and lose every. single. bit. of the scholarship money I had once worked so hard to earn.
The first semester wasn’t that bad. I took 17 hours worth of classes, including two Honors Classes (English Composition and History) and ended up with a 3.5 GPA.
Not bad for a Freshman who was juggling a part time after school waitressing job, way too many classes, Sorority Responsibilities (which, included meetings on Mondays, three hours of study hall on Tuesday and Wednesday, Socials and/or Swaps on Thursdays, and usually a frat party to appear at on Friday or Saturday) and working 6 hours a week for the Universities Newspaper.
But the second semester was a disaster. I spent more time in the bar and the frat house than I Did in the classroom. I “earned” two F’s, a D and two C’s that semester. Bringing my GPA to a whopping 1.8.
The letters of scholarship probation came.
And eventually, I lost all of it. Lost the funds. Lost the chance to get away and ended up moving back home with my parents.
My life took another turn and I’ve ended up much farther away than I initially imagined (um. Hello? Alaska?!) But it took me a long time to get over the guilt and the disappointment I had in myself for those mistakes. It took a lot of self-examination and forgiveness. It took the love of my husband and his support…pushing me to believe that I could still accomplish whatever I want, despite my past mistakes.
After all of that…after all of the mistakes I’ve made…I couldn’t be happier with where I’m at right now.
And no college degree could change that.
*Sharing this with Mama Kat’s Writers Workshop today!
[…] …Hit rock bottom and wondered if I would ever be able to get up […]
[…] to what I could and could not do. Not to let me life be run and dictated by social propaganda. But, when college didn’t work out for me, I was sure that I was destined to live the same life that I had always feared and […]
Your story is so heart warming to say the least, very good inspiration for the youth of today. Just proves that you can always rise and pick up the pieces and still make your life the best you can. Old cliche but still very true, “life is what we make it.” I am glad that you have finally found your niche in this sometimes crazy, wild, but still, beautiful world. Keep it up!
You never know where life will take you and what you are supposed to do. It’s so hard when you are so young to think “what do I want to do when I grow up?” Heck I still say that! Glad you found what your calling was 🙂
[…] I Flunked out of College: One of my most disappointing stories and deepest confessions… […]
i am a firm believer in that there are some people who are oriented toward college and there are some people who are not. i find it ironic, in a way, that people in the medical field, for instance, require so much schooling because they’re the ones who put what they know to practical use, rather than any sort of remotely academic use, like someone who studies English or history, like myself. and if i remember correctly, you worked in a medical setting when you met Josh. do i think you would have done well in college if you had stuck with it? certainly. would it have been your forte? only you really know the answer to that.
my point with all of that is to say that i think we place far too much importance on a piece of paper that looks exactly like a high diploma but has the name of a university and the title of a major instead. especially because i feel like it’s getting increasingly easier to go to college in terms of who will be accepted with what grades and test scores. i told my parents yesterday the vast majority of people in my major going for education just don’t seem as though they spent four years in college or know anything about literature or education or anything they spent those four years in college for. i have said for a while now, in regards to teaching, at least, that the degree either makes you a better teacher if you’re good at it already, or it gives you enough terminology and theory so that you can fake being a teacher if you’re not good at it.
besides, you are doing something you love. and no college degree, in my opinion, is worth giving that up for. my parents, and mom, especially, keep talking about grad school. would a master’s be great? yes. do i entertain the notion of earning a ph.d.? occasionally. do i want to go to grad school for anything but history right now? no. and if i go into a field that doesn’t involve history, i’m not going to break my back over going to grad school, especially since it’s a financial burden i don’t have the ability to shoulder.
i apologize for the novel of a comment. it seems lately that’s all i’m leaving all over the blogosphere! while i feel strongly about the continuance of formal education, there’s honestly been an increasing slide of the quality of that education, and so now, for people who aren’t seeking a career like business or engineering or something academic, a B.A. may well be beside the point. incidentally, i also told my parents history professors should run the world. the history department at my university seems singularly focused on kicking their students’ butts. they are the toughest professors i have ever had in my life, but i think it’s worth it. and i think if history professors ran our education systems, we would see the quality of them rise drastically!
I can’t call this a great story but I can call it a well written one.
I still sense a bit of disappointment, however i do not believe I have ever visited your blog so i could be totally off. Whether you are 18 or 48, it is never too late to go back to school.
I think there will always be a bit of disappointment at the mistakes, but not regret. Disappointment that I didn’t try harder, but not regret because leaving college and changing my direction led me to the place I am today. And I’m 100% happy with that place. 🙂 Hope you enjoyed your first visit! Always exciting to see new faces in the comment section. Hope you’ll come back again! Have a great weekend!
You know…Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Facebook, dropped out of college and look where he is now… 🙂
VERY true! I hadn’t even thought of that!