I Don’t Want to be a “Christian”
I ran across this video on Facebook Friday night. Around 11:30. I had just posted a status update about finally clearing out my inbox…managed to answer and reply to all of my email, file what needed filing and finally delete some things that were just taking up space. I’m down to two remaining emails, y’all. I feel liberated.
I was headed to bed, but I got sidetracked looking at one of my college roommates recent wedding photos. Don’t you love how Facebook allows us to see glimpses into people’s lives when we can’t be near the people we love? Anyway…as with any social media site, I somehow started jumping around from profile to profile; reading stalking and looking at photos, when a video caught my eye. I don’t do YouTube videos too terribly often, but this one got my attention. I’ve placed it below. Take a second to watch (it’s 3:00-ish minutes…I’m sure you can spare it and it’s worth it).
Preach.
Josh and I have talked about this very thing time and time again in our lives. This is a topic that gets me fired up and ready to start shouting. If I’d been in the room when someone started talking about this, I’d have been one of those women shouting hearty “Amens” and “Praise Jesus!”
I’ve been part of places where the moment you let your weakness show…admit to your shortcomings…let on that you aren’t perfect like Christian’s are “supposed” to be…everything changes. I’ve been on the receiving end of those judgmental stares. On the other side of the room when the whispers start. Been the brunt of an indirect but oh-so-obvious Facebook status.
It hurts.
And it’s wrong.
If you don’t know my story, let me give you a quick rundown:
I drank myself to the point in college where I should have ended up dead. Not only did I drink to an extent that I was an alcoholic at not even 20 years old, waking up hungover and spending the day itching for the evening when I’d party it up again, but I was also foolish with my choices…looking to hookup with whoever I could, whenever I could. Trying to find acceptance through popularity and doing what the “popular” girls did.
How I didn’t end up dead in an alcohol related car wreck or pregnant with an illegitimate child, is by God’s grace only. And it’s only by God’s grace that I’m still here and have reached the point in my life where I am comfortable sharing my mistakes and hoping that others learn from them.
But you know what? Those mistakes? Those stupid choices?
They don’t make me any less SAVED than anyone else.
We ALL have baggage. We all need grace.
If we didn’t, then the cross? The cross is meaningless.
I’m not bashing the church or saying we don’t need the church. God gave us the church-the body of believers we are supposed to come together with to worship and fellowship-as a gift. But, it’s been the church-the building, the body of believers thumping the scripture over people’s heads-that has led people away.
It’s the church that’s left me feeling many times over like I don’t want to be a Christian anymore.
Because as unfortunate as it is, “christianity” isn’t the same today as it was when Jesus Christ walked this earth.
Christianity isn’t a once a week (twice if you go on Wednesday’s) thing to just check off your list.
It’s not driving the most expensive car, to the most prestigious building, wearing the top of the line name brand clothes and sitting in the front row singing louder than anyone else, interjecting the “amen” in the right spot.
It’s not knowing or memorizing the most scripture or being able to understand Hebrew.
It’s not knowing the Books of the Bible or having the most verses highlighted on those tissue paper thin pages (Bonus points if you use something like the inductive method with all kinds of different colors, all coordinated in accordance to subject matter.)
It’s not looking the other direction when a brother or sister in Christ is struggling and needs your help. It’s not passing judgement or condemning someone over a bad choice or even a series of bad choices. Last time I read the Easter story, I’m pretty sure Peter denied Christ…not once, not twice, but three times.
Jesus rode a donkey. Not a Porsche. He wore a robe and sandals. Not Chanel and Jimmy Choo’s. He carried with Him the presence of the Almighty. Not a Michael Kors bag.
Jesus associated with the least of these so that we could have the greatest of his grace.
In fact Jesus was the least of these. Dig your Bible out and read-really read– about who Jesus was. Because he wasn’t who the churches seem be depicting him to be these days.
A church is fine. Going to church is fantastic. My family and I go every week.
But, who do you see in church? Your friends? Family members? People you associate with? Families that are part of the school attached to the church? Upstanding citizens of your city?
Do you see the least of these? Do you see the barstool type people? Do you see the broken, beaten and bruised souls that are all around us? Do you see the Vets holding the signs outside your local fast food place? Do you see the homeless man you always pass by, but manage to “turn the other cheek” to?
We aren’t too good to reach them. We aren’t too good to associate with them.
When did becoming a Christian…becoming a church member…take us from being ONE of the least of these, to thinking we were the BETTER of these?
The Bible tells us in the book of 1 John that all wrongdoing is sin (src).
Not some of it.
Not just a little bit of it.
ALL of it.
There’s no good sin and bad sin.
No right sin or wrong sin.
No little sin or big sin.
It’s ALL sin.
From that little white lie to the adultery. From stealing a pencil from your office (that wasn’t yours!) to murdering half a dozen people.
It all put Christ on the cross.
It all kept Christ on the cross.
And at the end of the day, when I stand before God at those pearly gates, I know that I will answer for the mistakes that I have made (and heaven knows there’s been a lot of them). I know that I will have to give an account of all the wrong doing in my life.
But when all of my transgressions are counted and the great and mighty Lord of Lords gets ready to place his verdict? I want to be sure that I hear him say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
If I have to be the “too good of these” to engage with the least of these, then how much like Jesus am I really?
Prostitutes.
Adulterers.
Tax collectors.
Lowly fishermen.
Shepherds who shot slingshots.
Blasphemers.
Thieves.
Murderers.
These don’t sound like the high society type to me.
And if associating with them makes me more like HIM…then that’s right where I want to be.
Because when Christianity becomes about being better than the ones who need to hear the good news of Jesus Christ, then I don’t want to be a Christian anymore.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a church’s (or Christians) criticism and judgment? How did you feel? Are you under the impression that that’s what Jesus Christ is like? If it is, I’d love talk to you more about who my God is and what he is really like!
This message has Blessed and touched me today…..I was praying and asking God to forgive me of my transgressions and to help me get past myself to get to Him….I believe all things happen for a reason and I was suppose to read this message today!…..God Bless You
Your story almost twins my own. Thanks for the message and the blessing.
“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” –Gandhi
I use this quote quite often, but some people think that it means Ghandi was anti-Christian. I try to explain that he respected the word of Christ but so few seem to follow that word. After a week that started out on such a bad note (my cat died next to me Sunday morning) the outpouring of concern and kindness from my Facebook friends has been overwhelming! Then Friday evening after the surprising SCOTUS ruling (I am gay) I then told all that I am gay. Some already knew, some suspected and some had no clue – and again, the love and support I have felt from so many has been astounding! With some we have agreed to disagree but it has not changed the connection that we had years ago and still have today. Then I click on this link on my page and behold – logic AND religion? I thought the two had been separated permanently judging from conversations I have tried to have with “religious” people! Thank you Courtney for the video message, it felt like I had written it! Enjoyed reading the responses and then I see Deanna use one of favorite quotes here – gave me a little chill (in a GOOD way). Just as I tell people not to judge all gays by what they see in the media, I must remember that the few “Christians” shouting their intolerance are the minority and I need to listen to that quiet, calm voice. Again, thanks, this was EXACTLY what I needed and I know that it will help to restore my faith. Peace, Love and Understanding to you and yours.
Thank u so much.
Nobody is saying Christians are better than other people. We don’t hate people, we hate sin. Sin separates us from God. Nobody is perdect. We all sin, and we all seek forgiveness. I’d say around only 25% of people who claim to be Christians actually live their lives the way God wants us to everyday. I agree some Christians judge and hate more than they should, but putting all Christians in that category is unfair. Most people who avoid the people you talked about are doing so to stay away from temptations. We’re human and we’re easily tempted to sin. I want to be a christian, I am a christian, and I wish everyone would get to heaven. If I have lived a life to receive the gift of heaven and I see a prostitute and a murderer with me, I’d rejoice. Every soul is a soul that needs saving.
I haven’t seen many posts on here about being harassed or criticized by Christians, so I want to give you my story so you can see and feel the other side of us.
I grew up in what is celebrated in my southern state as one of the best towns for those seeking acceptance in being close to God. And it was great for Christians. Public prayers everywhere, no shame put upon anyone for their belief in Jesus Christ. It looks so. dang. happy. on the outside.
And I had to as well, or else.
I grew up going to church as a child. I was always a “why-er”, which was never appreciated. When I hit eleven, my home life went crazy. An older sibling left my world and entered into the world of violence and drugs and hurt me in many ways that I am finally starting to recover over. I was left with massive anxiety and depression. When I got my first period, my cramps were so terrible that I could not walk. They would last two weeks at a time.
The reason I tell you these things is, like everyone else, I had a set of difficult problems I had to work with like everyone else. Problems that required deep compassion from others. I watched others get their compassion, but I did not receive it from Christian adults or classmates. And it has taken me so long to take the massive chip off of my shoulders and fear in my heart away that my celebrated little town gave me.
For my periods, they prescribed me birth control. Those classmates had seen me om the floor wailing in pain from my condition. They dismissed me as a slut when a girl at a sleepover saw me taking it. It took forever to get the medication. Even though I had a clear condition that doctors acknowledged and an easy solution they acknowledged, I was not married and only 13, which meant giving me birth control was immoral. Yes, I did get it eventually. Yes, it did fix everything! No, I did not start having sex!
When I admitted that I couldn’t see a God through all my suffering, my ‘friends’ and even some of the religious leaders told me to have fun bathing in the flames of hell. I was so lost and needed so much help.
When the 2008 election happened and my classmates all began to say they hope all the gays die and that Obama was assassinated, I told them that that was such an unkind and dark hearted thing to say. They called me a liberal! And I lost my group of friends! I was alienated for my spiritual feelings and my depression spiked so much I tried to take my life. I finally gained them back, but even now post college I can tell their love for me is incredibly conditional. I am their friend first and foremost because, “you will be a Christian one day!” They say things to me like “love the sinner hate the sin!” Which makes me feel so entirely low in their eyes.
When I finally found the man who I most definitely want to spend all of my adventures with, who shared with me his spirituality and didn’t try to ‘fix’ my brokenness but instead showed me his way of loving everyone and everything around him, my friends with the conditional love told me to leave him. One of my coworkers, upon meeting him even told me to my boyfriend would surely beat me and would never truly love me to our faces because he wasn’t a Christian. My boss, who is celebrated in the local church as being a pillar of the community, didn’t bat an eye.
I have to fake who I am and what I believe on a daily basis just to get by here in the south. I am human. I want love and friends. The thought of my family and friends treating me the way they did the few times I did expose myself makes me cry.
And one day, I am going to fly out of this place and find somewhere that is so much less filled with it’s kind of love.
Jesus was a great man. I’ve read the bible front to back. But please think of making your actions more like his and less like pop culture Christianity. You never know what little confused girl you are scaring and causing to cry in her room alone because she feels so incredibly unworthy to all of you.
My heart hurts for you. I too was a teen girl on the pill to control the pain & bleeding. I also was judged because of it when others found out.
I’m now a mom having to explain to a Christian school why my teenager is on the pill (same reasons).
I also had a horrible home life that the Pastor’s wife refused to believe when I told her because my mom was such a great christian & so involved in the church.
please done let what happen turn you away from a relationship with Jesus. Allow Jesus to turn these painful scars into tender spots for others. To be able to love others in a way you weren’t. Believe me, I know what I’m asking of you because I asked it of myself.
Some of my unsaved friends say I’m the most unusual christian they have ever met & I say thank you! Jesus was unusual too!
That was a great message . I’ve been saying the same thing for years . This is how I always put it : I’m too Churchy for the World and too Worldly for the Church ! Meaning exactly what you just wrote about ! Jesus Died for ALL of us to be saved.
Thaat a great message . I’ve been saying the same thing for years . This is how I always put it : I’m too Churchy for the World and too Worldly for the Church ! Meaning exactly what you just wrote about ! Jesus Died for ALL of us to be saved.
I have to tell you I have steered away from reading any Christian blogs or Articles for around two years. That is when I was separated and divorced from my husband of 23 years. He came from a Christian family and by all appearances seemed to be a good Christian man. I was saved when I was a teen but came from a non-Christian home and had very little time in church. Things seemed normal at first, but over the next 23 years I would find myself in a very abusive relationship. Oh it didn’t start physical or drastic, just a little worse every day, month, and year, and all while being in the Church. It became a life of appearances versus how we lived behind closed doors. Every time it would escalate a little further he would apologize, pray, shout scripture and I would once again try to understand and be forgiving, to see the man Christ wanted him to be. And then it would go right back to the way it was before, and I would be left wondering how this could possibly be what a Christian life was supposed to be. When the abuse became physical I couldn’t even call it what it was, I couldn’t wrap my brain around any of it. The hurt and the betrayal was almost more than I could bare. And all the while he quoted scripture, denied what was truly happening, pretended to ask forgiveness. When I finally left him, and believe it was almost more than what I could do, he involved the pastor and his wife, trying to get me to stay. He admitted to some of it, saying he had failed God, and begging forgiveness, and I was condemned for not forgiving also. But that is what I had been doing for 23 years. I was made to feel like I wasn’t a Christian, with the pastor’s wife asking me if I was sure that it was rape, and not just me not being in the mood. All the people I thought were my Christian friends deserted me because I filed for divorce when he was so repentant and was trying to change. Yet all the while he was stalking the kids and I. It was a nightmare and with very little support or help from the people I thought were there for me. I haven’t been to church since. This article is the first thing I have read in a long time that was “Christian”. It really touched me. It’s hard for me to separate “Christians” and “Church” and true faith now.
well said and well done