I Don’t Want to be a “Christian”
I ran across this video on Facebook Friday night. Around 11:30. I had just posted a status update about finally clearing out my inbox…managed to answer and reply to all of my email, file what needed filing and finally delete some things that were just taking up space. I’m down to two remaining emails, y’all. I feel liberated.
I was headed to bed, but I got sidetracked looking at one of my college roommates recent wedding photos. Don’t you love how Facebook allows us to see glimpses into people’s lives when we can’t be near the people we love? Anyway…as with any social media site, I somehow started jumping around from profile to profile; reading stalking and looking at photos, when a video caught my eye. I don’t do YouTube videos too terribly often, but this one got my attention. I’ve placed it below. Take a second to watch (it’s 3:00-ish minutes…I’m sure you can spare it and it’s worth it).
Preach.
Josh and I have talked about this very thing time and time again in our lives. This is a topic that gets me fired up and ready to start shouting. If I’d been in the room when someone started talking about this, I’d have been one of those women shouting hearty “Amens” and “Praise Jesus!”
I’ve been part of places where the moment you let your weakness show…admit to your shortcomings…let on that you aren’t perfect like Christian’s are “supposed” to be…everything changes. I’ve been on the receiving end of those judgmental stares. On the other side of the room when the whispers start. Been the brunt of an indirect but oh-so-obvious Facebook status.
It hurts.
And it’s wrong.
If you don’t know my story, let me give you a quick rundown:
I drank myself to the point in college where I should have ended up dead. Not only did I drink to an extent that I was an alcoholic at not even 20 years old, waking up hungover and spending the day itching for the evening when I’d party it up again, but I was also foolish with my choices…looking to hookup with whoever I could, whenever I could. Trying to find acceptance through popularity and doing what the “popular” girls did.
How I didn’t end up dead in an alcohol related car wreck or pregnant with an illegitimate child, is by God’s grace only. And it’s only by God’s grace that I’m still here and have reached the point in my life where I am comfortable sharing my mistakes and hoping that others learn from them.
But you know what? Those mistakes? Those stupid choices?
They don’t make me any less SAVED than anyone else.
We ALL have baggage. We all need grace.
If we didn’t, then the cross? The cross is meaningless.
I’m not bashing the church or saying we don’t need the church. God gave us the church-the body of believers we are supposed to come together with to worship and fellowship-as a gift. But, it’s been the church-the building, the body of believers thumping the scripture over people’s heads-that has led people away.
It’s the church that’s left me feeling many times over like I don’t want to be a Christian anymore.
Because as unfortunate as it is, “christianity” isn’t the same today as it was when Jesus Christ walked this earth.
Christianity isn’t a once a week (twice if you go on Wednesday’s) thing to just check off your list.
It’s not driving the most expensive car, to the most prestigious building, wearing the top of the line name brand clothes and sitting in the front row singing louder than anyone else, interjecting the “amen” in the right spot.
It’s not knowing or memorizing the most scripture or being able to understand Hebrew.
It’s not knowing the Books of the Bible or having the most verses highlighted on those tissue paper thin pages (Bonus points if you use something like the inductive method with all kinds of different colors, all coordinated in accordance to subject matter.)
It’s not looking the other direction when a brother or sister in Christ is struggling and needs your help. It’s not passing judgement or condemning someone over a bad choice or even a series of bad choices. Last time I read the Easter story, I’m pretty sure Peter denied Christ…not once, not twice, but three times.
Jesus rode a donkey. Not a Porsche. He wore a robe and sandals. Not Chanel and Jimmy Choo’s. He carried with Him the presence of the Almighty. Not a Michael Kors bag.
Jesus associated with the least of these so that we could have the greatest of his grace.
In fact Jesus was the least of these. Dig your Bible out and read-really read– about who Jesus was. Because he wasn’t who the churches seem be depicting him to be these days.
A church is fine. Going to church is fantastic. My family and I go every week.
But, who do you see in church? Your friends? Family members? People you associate with? Families that are part of the school attached to the church? Upstanding citizens of your city?
Do you see the least of these? Do you see the barstool type people? Do you see the broken, beaten and bruised souls that are all around us? Do you see the Vets holding the signs outside your local fast food place? Do you see the homeless man you always pass by, but manage to “turn the other cheek” to?
We aren’t too good to reach them. We aren’t too good to associate with them.
When did becoming a Christian…becoming a church member…take us from being ONE of the least of these, to thinking we were the BETTER of these?
The Bible tells us in the book of 1 John that all wrongdoing is sin (src).
Not some of it.
Not just a little bit of it.
ALL of it.
There’s no good sin and bad sin.
No right sin or wrong sin.
No little sin or big sin.
It’s ALL sin.
From that little white lie to the adultery. From stealing a pencil from your office (that wasn’t yours!) to murdering half a dozen people.
It all put Christ on the cross.
It all kept Christ on the cross.
And at the end of the day, when I stand before God at those pearly gates, I know that I will answer for the mistakes that I have made (and heaven knows there’s been a lot of them). I know that I will have to give an account of all the wrong doing in my life.
But when all of my transgressions are counted and the great and mighty Lord of Lords gets ready to place his verdict? I want to be sure that I hear him say, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”
If I have to be the “too good of these” to engage with the least of these, then how much like Jesus am I really?
Prostitutes.
Adulterers.
Tax collectors.
Lowly fishermen.
Shepherds who shot slingshots.
Blasphemers.
Thieves.
Murderers.
These don’t sound like the high society type to me.
And if associating with them makes me more like HIM…then that’s right where I want to be.
Because when Christianity becomes about being better than the ones who need to hear the good news of Jesus Christ, then I don’t want to be a Christian anymore.
Have you ever been on the receiving end of a church’s (or Christians) criticism and judgment? How did you feel? Are you under the impression that that’s what Jesus Christ is like? If it is, I’d love talk to you more about who my God is and what he is really like!
I would like to use this as a Sunday school lesson. You have great insight and a knack fo expressing yourself. Bless you
Thank you for sharing!
This was so enlightening & something I needed to hear. I have been on the end of being judged & it’s not a good place to be.
Yes ive been on t. eiving side. Im a recovering heroin addict, definately not someone society likes and it made it hard for me to allow the desire to go to church become the reality of me walking thru the church doors. It took me hitting rock bottom to realize i didnt care what others thought of me, i knew i needed jesus. When i came to this conclusion i was able to find a nondenominational church i grew to love along with others, which was gateway in Southlake Texas. And now i attend Antioch in waco tx and even though there are a few that look down on me for a part of me that im trying real hard not to be ashamed of myself, a majority are very opened arms. And i will continue to overlook the judgement from others so i can have my fellowship time with my amazingly forgiving and nonjudemental jesus christ and the father. It breaks my heart and my spirit when someone, especially one that calls themself a christan, looks at me with disgust and judement. And jm working on not being judgemental myself cuz i dont want to hurt someone like i was hurt.
You have an amazing testimony that God will use to bring people to know him. Don’t ever be ashamed of your testimony or what you’ve come thru. If you don’t already subscribe, Gateway’s podcasts are awesome.
This is a beautiful and truthful piece. I absolutely love the video. I have not been to church in long time. I have been in both good and not so good. My favorite church (and I wish I still lived close by) was a small backwoods church of Christ. The people did not care how you dressed, what you looked like, or even how you got there (horse or bike or car) We were all greeted warmly and lovingly, encouraged to do our best in daily life, taught by a man of God who did not judge and was willing to admit his daily mistakes. This all flowed over outside of Church. These people behaved the same way in the grocery store or a turnip field. Everyone had their bad days, as they are human. But always quick to forgive one another and move on. This was (to me) a true church.
Amen….
I don’t want to believe anymore. I am that man who sits there and feels so uncomfortable in a church. Who gets upset when someone talks about how all the “homos” are going to hell. (I’m not gay, btw). Or how when I am teaching evolution that I always have a parent asking for my resignation. The fact that they judge before I can explain to them out of school that I believe in both creationism and evolution. I go to that church pew because all I really want is to feel part of a community, or a group and all I ever feel is judgement and hate. I’m no alcoholic. I’m no scar on society. I’m just me. A single teacher in a small town with two boys he loves. I’d like to believe in God again, but when you get bit repeatedly, what is the point anymore.
John, your post touched my heart. I’ve never randomly commented on anything on a site in my life. Having had a similar experience, and feeling that unexplainable tug to be a part of a community, a religious one at that, I found my way to the Episcopal church. I am newly Episcopalian, a little over a year and a half, and we are few but mighty. What I will tell you is this. I too had lost hope, and now I drive 30 minutes from my small town every (or almost every Sunday ) to where I have found my place. It isn’t for everyone, and that is okay, but I will leave you with the top ten reasons to be an Episcopalian, as described on the back of my two oldest sons t-shirts that they received at church camp a few weeks ago.
10. The church seasons are color coded.
9. We belong before we believe.
8. Science is embraced, not debunked.
7. The 8th Sacrament: donuts.
6. Our theology is an art form, not a law book.
5. Moderation in all things, including moderation.
4. Doubt is so okay we name parishes St. Thomas.
3. We’re unified in shared worship, not enforced agreement.
2. You don’t have to check your brains at the door.
1. The Episcopal Church Welcomes You and we mean it.
Peace, Jennifer
I’m not Episcopalian, but I would LOVE that T-shirt. I’m going to share that top 10 with everyone I know. I’m no longer religious but a Huge Fan of Pope Francis. His call of action to all Christians (not just his) to save our home, our planet, was truly divine work in action. I think he would enjoy the top 10 list too! Thank you for acting on courage that was not bestowed upon you by faith, but your fortitude. It is in that grounding of true character that will guide you to great things. As the Dalai Lama and many wise wo/men before him have said ~ my religion is LOVE.
No one can go wrong with that. Namásté
I hear you and echo your thoughts. (Science teacher here.) I have not found a church’s philosophy that fits what I believe in my heart. My spouse is an ardent WELS Lutheran (very conservative and literal biblical interpretation) and although I accompany him to church, I feel worse after attending rather than better. I believe homosexuals are born and it isn’t a choice they make. I believe that evolution is still occurring. I do not believe that all biblical accounts are literal. (Noah and all the animals of the world inside is a particular one I secretly scoff at when it is taught.) I do not believe that the communion wafer literally becomes Christ’s body nor do I believe the wine literally becomes his blood. I feel like a poser each time I partake in communion. I do not believe that an innocent unbaptized child will not be granted a place in heaven. I placate myself by feeling like I at least keep harmony in my marriage by supporting him in his firm beliefs, but am losing myself in the process. In short, I have grown weary of organized religion altogether. If I could take bits and pieces from many of the religions and piece them together, perhaps one would fit.
I was once where you are, and finally left that church, while my husband and children continued to attend. I found a real community of believers, who opened their hearts to me, who joyfully embrace and truly love on our community in the way Jesus did. In less than a year, my family slowly followed, and we are all happier together, serving our community more, having more authentic relationships with others, loving each other more! I never thought my religious husband would change, but nothing is impossible with God.
Your comment melted me. I’m in the same boat. I want community and relationships but I never find that in a church.
John.
This is me at my church (or not at my church) right now.
Powerful. Thanks be to God for speaking through you to so many.
Courtney,
What a beautifully written post, it brought tears to my eyes as I’ve made similar mistakes in my life that you described. The grace and unfailing love of our God is beyond incredible and this is a great reminder to be stewards of that love. Thank you for sharing!
When I was 7, with great expectation, I experienced my 1st Communion which included “confession”. At 7 you would think I wouldn’t have much to confess but for me I had “secrets” I was ready to unburden to God. Unfortunately, the priest was not truly in a “God state of mind” when he heard my words. Instead, he judged me and condemned me, told me “God has given you the parents you have for a reason, do not question God”. At 7 I was shattered, at 47 (actually just 2 months ago) I made peace with God and accepted “Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior”. ..or did I? He knows I Love Him. He knows I feel Him in my heart, head, soul. But I am struggling with this whole idea of being a “Christian”. It seems so warped by man but yet I see God everywhere! Thank you for the video and your commentary, they both speak to me with Gods voice and I feel peace with that..
To be a Christian, we follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. The New Testament tells us the stories and witnesses to those stories and teachings of Jesus Christ. Jesus spoke in parables..you have to quit thing literally and let you mind open to hear what He is really saying . This is why a lot of people get confused about Jesus and His teachings. If your eyes and ears have been ” opened ” and you truly in your heart will be able to comprehend His Words. There is no magic to it….it is a “longing” for knowledge about God that leads us to Him through Jesus and His teachings. It took me a long time to “find” the answers I was searching for, but thank God, after reading so much information on ALL religions, and teachings of wonderful profits , I made the decision. …I BELIEVED what Jesus said…it just opened my heart one day..just love that !!!!!
There is a difference between a Christian and a “Christian” being spoken here. The one with quotations is being used on this page as the very traditional Sunday morning church goers and that’s it. With this being said yes Christians might dislike the sin and not the sinner but there are very few. Most of us are “Christians” without even knowing it. It’s easy to say that we dislike sin and not the sinner when in all reality we either conciously or subconsciously avoid association with the sinner because we identify and perceive them by their sin. This is the problem. The first step is viewing your (not necessarily you, just a general word) life and judging yourself. Through this process you become aware of yourself and can grow from it and as you grow you tend to discover humility. At this point you begin to truly see people for their hearts and begin to love them because of them and not to be like Jesus. If your goal is to love people to be more like Jesus and to be closer to Jesus then the point has also been missed. We love people to love them… if in the process we become more like Jesus and to be closer to him then even better but that shouldn’t necessarily be the goal. Jesus loved people because he loved them…. no agenda.