Having Someone is Enough
Growing up in a small town meant learning early on that there were two kinds of people in our little city: those who were in and those who were out. Contrary to what people try to make you believe, social stigma’s are a reality. Especially in towns and cities as small as the one I grew up in. What school you went to, what church you went to, where you associated and socialized on Friday nights…all of that put you in a crowd. You were either in or out.
It was as simple as that.
And, I’m assuming, it still is.
I made it my goal at an early age to get out of that town and make my own rules in life. Be my own boss and make my own decisions as to what I could and could not do. Not to let me life be run and dictated by social propaganda. But, when college didn’t work out for me, I was sure that I was destined to live the same life that I had always feared and avoided.
When I met my husband, I was working on Plan B to get out town and make something more of myself.
Mediocrity has always scared me. The fear that one day I would look back on my life and wonder why I didn’t just go for it. Why I was afraid to do something bigger and better than anything anyone else could imagine.
The small town lifestyle is stifling and suffocating when it comes to those kinds of dreams.
Remember Sweet Home Alabama? Remember the urgency in which Melanie felt the need to get out; to do more and be more?
That’s what I struggled with. Those are the same emotions that I battled day in and day out.
Then I married to a military man. And we had a son; the most perfect gift and most beautiful blessing that anyone had ever been given. And my desire to succeed and accomplish “big” things in this world shifted a bit.
Here I was with this brand new little miracle to take care of; a blessing sent straight from heaven, no doubt. And suddenly the desire to get out of my small town seemed insignificant and unimportant. Because, I had something more important to worry about. Someone more important.
Over the last few years, I’ve found that same desire to be someone and accomplish something big coming back. But, not for the same reasons as before. We live a military life; and the chances of us ending up settled in the same small town I grew up in, are slim to none. We get to travel and see the world; move from place to place every few years.
But, I realize now that what fuels me and drives me to succeed and accomplish and do, is my family. My husband and my son. The desire to make them proud. What fuels me is watching my son watch me chase after the things I want in life; be that a career or just being the best wife and mother I can be.
Success, I’ve learned, doesn’t come from the approval of society and those around us.
It comes when we acknowledge that we are doing something we love and can find contentment in that.
My husband. My son. My family.
They are my success.
They are my drive and my fuel.
And that is all of the encouragement that I need.
What about you? What fuels you?
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This is perfect! I was married while I was in college, and whenever I told a peer or professor I was married the reaction more often than not was a flat “oh…” as if I was giving up on life! It always frustrated me because as much as part of me yearns for “worldly” success…there is nothing better than marriage and family! I wouldn’t consider myself any kind of success if my familial relationships/obligations failed! Thanks for the uplifting post π
You are so right! When I announced that I was leaving college temporarily to get married and have kids, I got the same reaction. It was as if I was completely throwing my life away. But, I’ve found what I REALLY love doing (writing and doing graphic design) because of my family and being at home with my son. Without them, I’d probably be stuck doing something I hated.
What a beautiful post!!! Stopping by via Just Write!!!
You have been so blessed with your husband and son. I hope that you continue with your happiness!!
Thank you, Debbie!! So happy that you stopped by!
I SO understand this. Finding contentment in what i have right now is so important to me. And then I get itchy for “big” things and then I remember that I am doing big things right here in my corner of the world, in the hearts of my children. And as long as I can write, pour out my creative heart, I can breathe in the midst of the chaos of motherhood π
This was so beautifully written! I reach that point on occasion where I still want the BIG things and wonder if I will ever get there, but being a mom to my son and a wife to my husband matters more than anything.
I think this is why we *sometimes* find ourselves able to get along with people in adulthood that we couldn’t stand in childhood…because we’ve all had our vision and our pathways shifted, and they converge a bit more than they once did.
I agree. Some of the people I barely spoke to growing up are closer friends now, while some of the ones who were close friends never did grow up and we’ve drifted apart. Life has a funny way of working things out.
I like how you gave us a bit of your history here to give even a better feeling or your past and what got you to where you are today. And I love that your background helped you to get there. My family fuels me too. Totally. π
Thank you, Elaine. I agree. Despite the “negatives” that come from life in a small town, I wouldn’t be where I am today without those small town values.
The small town conundrum! They are AMAZING places to grow up, but once grown, they are meant to be left….but then when we have our own little ones to raise, we want the safety of the small town again.
You are living the best life for your family and THAT is an accomplishment all your own!
Thank you, CJ. It was a great place to grow up in a sense, but they are very constricting. We like to take our son back to visit, but not so much to live. There is a whole big world out there and for now, we are just enjoying giving him the chance to explore it.
Oh yes, my family is what fuels me too! I was working full time, crazy hours, in the big city as a legal secretary. Then I started having kids, and after my 2nd was born I went to work full time for my pastor. I can’t afford to stay home full time, but God has provided a much more satisfying job in the Body of Christ!
That position, serving him and being there for your kids, is the best job there is. π
Isn’t it amazing how a child can change everything that is important to you. I have never lived in a small town, but your story did a very good job of taking me back to your time spent in your and the feelings your time there were. How interesting it is what life brings us. Yours has gone full circle and then full circle again. I do not think it is weird that you were self-less for your child and now that he is older you are finding yourself pondering what you want for you again. I loved your line, “Success, Iβve learned, doesnβt come from the approval of society and those around us. It comes when we acknowledge that we are doing something we love and can find contentment in that.” I could not agree more! -Laverne visiting from Just.Be.Enough link up
Thank you, Laverne! I think that it’s a natural change to be selfless for so many years and then return to a state of wanting a life outside of being a mom. Those first few years children depend solely on you. Like you said, now that he’s older I find that he is able to do so much more on his own and I NEED that something all to myself to maintain my sanity. π It makes me a better mom, too.
Beautiful post! It’s amazing how the things that fuel our motivations and ambitions change when we have kids. Like you, I always wanted to be more than those that I grew up with. I had big dreams that were fueled mostly by my own ego and desire to make my parents proud. Now, I still have big dreams, but the passion with which I pursue my dreams has changed. I’m more passionate now and feel more capable to live out my dreams of writing, for instance, because I feel like I’ve accomplished so much as a mom. Along with being more confident, it’s looking into my little girls’ eyes that makes me proud and makes me want to excel and be the example that I can only hope will one day inspire them.
I couldn’t agree more! I still have big dreams and want to accomplish big things, but the motivation has changed. It’s more about teaching my son to never give up on what he wants and to chase down his passion. Motherhood definitely instills a new sense of confidence, for sure. π Glad you are finding YOUR way as well!
Love this. It’s so true that the love and joy of a family is what fuels us the most. You’re doing a great job making your family proud!
Aww, thank you!! You’re too sweet! I really appreciate that!