Feature Friday | What Makes a Bad Mom?
I aplogize for the delay in this week’s Feature Friday post. This is the second time I’ve had a post scheduled and it hasn’t gone live. What gives?
I am so, so excited about this weeks Feature Friday Blogger! Many of you probably know Jessica from My Time As Mom. She’s absolutely hilarious, writes helpful and insightful posts on everything from motherhood to social media, and is the brain behind the popular Vlog Talk meme. She’s always writing something good and her blog is at the top of my If I only have 5 minutes, this is one of the blogs I have to read list!
Jessica Torres is the wanna-be entertaining writer of the blog My Time As Mom. She is the official caretaker of 1 husband, 2 adorably insane girls, and 2 dumb dogs which causes her to be operating under the influence of sleep deprivation on most days. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook. and also check out her project VlogTalk (@VlogTalkMeme) where she encourages bloggers to step in front of the camera every week.
Perspective changes the definition of a bad mom
Frequently I hear someone saying they are a “bad mom.”
I’ve even thought the same about myself on occasion.
But what exactly is a bad mom?
Is it the mom that…
…lets her kids watch TV for an hour because she needs a break from them?
…sleeps in instead of getting up early to make breakfast and lunch for her kids?
…lets her kids drop out of a dance class she paid money for because they said “it’s too hard.”
…that drinks a few glasses (maybe a whole bottle) of wine at night when it’s just her and the kids at home?
…that abuses her children physically?
…that leaves her children forever because she doesn’t want to be a mom anymore?
These are just a few scenarios of what could define a bad mom, obviously a few are more extreme than others but they are all actions a mom can take.
The first two on this list, I have done myself.
Many times.
Does that make me a bad mom?
Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I think I should be more involved with my children, not need time for myself, always be available when they need me.
But when I look at the last two, physical abuse or leaving my children, I know that I have never and will never do these to my children.
Perspective.
I love my kids and I do my best to make sure they have what they need. They are loved, they are safe, and they are protected.
Sometimes, I need a break. Time for myself to recharge.
This does not make me a bad mom. Instead, I think it makes me a balanced mom.
Well said. Finding balance and time to recharge in order to wear all your “hats” is tough. I struggle with this often.
Over all the first two are so minor. Never beat yourself up for needing time to yourself. Just because you have kids does not mean you have to lose your identity too.
With that being said I grew up without my mother. She was a drug addict. Until she lost her parental rights we used to have weekend visitation with her. Those weekends were the worst of my life. We usually stayed at her dealer of choice’s house where since I was the oldest would constantly clean her up and take care of my two baby sisters. Eventually she lost those rights and went to supervised visitations where she proved drugs were more important than an hour of visiting with us and that lost her her parental rights. It was not till I was 16 that she finally got serious about cleaning up her life. We found out that the reason she could not stay clean was because she was an un-diagnosed bipolar disorder. Unfortunately she did not live long enough to repair the damages she did to us as small children.
What I did have growing up was the most awesome Father and Grandmother a child could ask for. My Dad work his butt off to provide for us. Even though he worked a lot he never missed a karate match, or volleyball game and he made every band recitle. My Grandmother bought our now family home for us after Mom had cleaned Dad out by forging checks and taking loans out in his name. Then she moved in with us so there was always a stable adult there to greet us after school while Dad was working. She gave her life up to raise a second family.
Even though I did not have my real mother in my life and I will always have the pain and hurt associated with that, I had a great role model in my Dad and Grandma. My only hope today is that I can be half the parent they were to me.
I often ask myself this question, because I don’t dote over my kids…. I more than less rather be alone, because I never get a chance to miss them;)
It’s definitely all about balance. It’s easy to say that I’m a bad mom because of X today, but the truth is, I still need time for myself. It makes us better parents in the long run.
Great post Jess!