Four Years Apart | Feature Friday

Last week I mentioned that I had a new feature in store for all of my readers. I’m calling this weekly addition to my blog Feature Friday. It’s an opportunity for me to introduce all of you to new bloggers you might not know and an opportunity for bloggers (especially new bloggers) to do some guest posting, gain exposure and meet new potential readers. I set up a whole new section with Guest Posting Information and a submission section. You can submit your Feature Friday posts here, as well. Feature Friday bloggers will also have their blog button displayed in the Sidebar with a link to their post in the sidebar here for the week.

Now, I’d like to introduce you to my very first Feature Friday Blogger. I don’t remember how I met her, but once I read her blog, I knew that I had to stick around. I know some of you know her, but for those of you who don’t, I encourage you to check out her blog. I’d like to introduce all of you to Robin from Farewell, Stranger!

Robin Farr is a woman, a writer, a wife, a runner, a communications professional, a speaker and a mom – chronologically, at least. She got mixed up philosophically during her struggle with postpartum depression but wrote her way out of it on her blog, Farewell, Stranger.

That experience, and a lifelong habit of finding inspiration in even the bad things that happen to her, led her to a new motto: “Live the life you’re meant to.” She’s now working on doing just that. You can find her on Twitter @FarewellStranger or on Facebook.

Four Years Apart

Before my son was born my husband and I figured we’d have two kids, about two years apart.

That didn’t happen.

I know lots of people have kids that close together (or with a shorter gap between them, even) but I honestly find it hard to figure out how they do that. A good friend of mine relished the idea of two under two, but the thought of it kind of makes me want to run away screaming.

Part of the reason we didn’t have another in our expected timeframe is that I experienced postpartum depression (PPD) after my son was born. He was a few months old before it really kicked in, and it took me almost three years to get it properly treated. My son turned three in June, so it’s very recent that I actually really felt like I’d recovered.

So while we certainly weren’t in a position to be thinking about a second before he was even 18 months old (in order to make that two-year spacing happen), we did start to think about a second around the time of his second birthday. But then I had a rough patch. And then I changed medication. And then I took some time off work. And now all of a sudden my first child is over 3 and all the notions I had about the right spacing for us have been abandoned on the side of PPD highway.

It’s a constant math game for me – if I get pregnant now he’ll be 3½ when the baby is born. If I get pregnant now he’ll just be turning 4. Well, if I get pregnant today (which is not going to happen anyway) baby #2 would be due on July 12, 2012, which is a month after my son’s fourth birthday.

I never, ever imagined having kids four years apart.

The usual disclaimers apply, of course – there’s nothing wrong with that age gap, I’m not judging those who space their kids farther apart (or closer together), yadda yadda yadda. Everyone has to do what’s right for their family.

Some of us have to accept the gap we’re given, too. I have no idea when we’ll have a second child. I have no idea if we’ll have a second child. We’ve been trying since June, sort of, if you consider what have been somewhat half-hearted attempts resulting from house-renovation tiredness to be “trying.”

Maybe we’re not meant to have two children right now. Or maybe we’re not meant to have two children at all. It’s just that the thought of only having one makes me a little weepy.

I grew up the oldest of four kids, and while I never envisioned having that many children, I used to think three would be great. My husband was adamant that two was enough, thank you very much, and after we had our first I realized he was probably right. But even after my horrible experience with PPD, I do still want a second.

We’re planning to move and I’m not yet willing to get rid of all the baby things, even if I have to pay a mover to haul it 600 miles only to sell it on the other end. The thought of being done with all those new-baby experiences makes me sad. But at the same time, with my son potty trained and in preschool, I do wonder if I’m up for a brand new baby. The greater the gap, the harder it seems to do all that again.

For now we’ll keep trying. If we have a second, that will be great. But if we don’t, the one kid I’ve got now is pretty great too.

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Make  sure you visit Robin and tell her how fabulous she is! If you’d like to be a contributor or have your blog featured here for Feature Friday, don’t hesitate to contact me!