Developmental Milestones
The last week and a half has been emotional and stressful, to say the least.
Little Man’s birthday party-followed immediately by Halloween-totally took the wind out of me. I wonder during times like that how mom’s with five or six kids do it. (Seriously, you guys are my heroes.) Little Man had his three year well-child exam last week, too. We assumed it would be a cake walk because the husband works at the Clinic and we are friends with most of the staff; so Little Man is familiar with faces and recognizes the clinic as “the place where daddy works.”
To say the least, the well-child exam was a complete and total disaster. Little Man flipped out the moment we made it to the back and started trying to under go the “exam.” He wouldn’t stand on the scale, wouldn’t let them measure his head circumference. He just screamed and cried and freaked out. Even when the hubs came in to try to calm him down. Nothing was easing the situation. Almost two hours later, I left with a puffy faced child, a sore arm (from getting my flu shot), a headache and a recommendation from the Doctor that Little Man see a speech therapist.
The “I can understand less than 50% of what your son is saying so I think he could stand to visit a speech therapist” hit me like a sack of 5 ton bricks. I’m still trying to process that referral and debating on whether or not to actually go through with it. Part of me feels like the doctor wasn’t able to accurately exam my son because he was so distraught at the fact that he was at the doctor. I mean, how much can you really learn about a child in such a short amount of time? Especially when 80% of the time spent examining said child is with him freaking out, flailing and just all out going nuts?
Then again, I wonder if maybe he’s right…and that maybe I’m just biased and stubborn. No one else seems to have trouble understanding him. I mean, he’s three. He doesn’t have a Harvard Education and Scholar’s dialect at this point in time. We’re still working on learning the ABC’s around here. People who actually know our son, know our family and spend time around us, seem to understand him and understand what he’s saying. I rarely have to decipher his sentences and when he’s calm (and not running around playing like a normal child), his sentences seem very fluent and clear. He is vocal. He makes sure that you know what he is saying. And neither myself or the husband really have issues communicating with him.
The doc’s recommendation for therapy sent my mommy guilt mentality into overdrive.
Maybe I’m not doing enough with him at home…
Maybe I messed up somewhere down the line and caused some sort of developmental delay…
Should I be doing something more with him…
Should I have forced him to sit and listen to me read when he was smaller instead of getting on the floor to play cars with him…
Maybe if I’d done that, he’d be speaking a little more clearly and the doc would have understood him…
Maybe…maybe…maybe….
If…If…If…
Turns out life is full of circumstances like that. Full of moments where we can over-examine things that did or did not happen in the past. Spend countless hours laying in bed staring at the ceiling wondering if the situation at hand is our fault. That’s par for the course when it comes to parenting, I’m afraid. The realization that every. single. decision. that is made is going to impact the lives of these tiny little innocent people is overwhelming.
I’ve had to to steer myself clear of thinking about it and dwelling on it for too long.
Because I’m pretty sure I could drive myself crazy with all of the “if I’d done this different…” scenarios.
Little Man is kicking butt at Homeschooling right now, even though we are only a few days in. He looks forward to it in the mornings and loves the hands on learning games that I’ve printed off and set up for him. Anything that involves him playing games or doing something active piques his interest.
So for now, we are holding off on Speech Therapy. I personally don’t think that he needs it, but the possibility is on the back burner until I get to see him “in action” with his school work for a bit longer.
It’s hard to accept the fact that your child might possibly need help from someone other than you. Might require help that you, as a mom, can’t give them.
If only I could…
If…if…if…
Has your child ever struggled with reaching a developmental milestone? How did you handle it? Did you get help outside of the home?
Linking up with Shell @ Things I Can’t Say for Pour Your Heart Out.
Oh you, hang in there! I know that Mama guilt is right there, so easy to grab onto. But don’t do it! Sometimes kids just need extra help!
As a teacher, I always recommended to go for the early screening because good information and help as needed is golden!
I had speech therapy when I was in kindergarten, and you know throughout the rest of my education I heard over and over how articulate my speech was. I was definitely glad my parents got me the extra help. 🙂 I don’t remember a ton from kindergarten, but that therapy is a fond memory. My speech coach was awesome, we played fun games, and it made me feel special because I was too young to think that being different was bad 😉 I totally believe in following your instincts, but never let it make you feel bad if you need extra help because it takes more courage to accept it sometimes!
Wow! I am so sorry you went through that. Cam freaks out when we go for exams too. Maybe it is that he gets shots nearly every time we go. He is fine for a checkup if it is for a cold or something, but as soon as he needs to be weighed and measured, all hell breaks loose.
I wanted to give you some encouragement on the speech therapy front. First of all DON’T feel guilty. It has nothing to do with you or how well you have raised him. This summer I spoke with a Mommy friend of mine who has two little boys. She felt very similar to you when she was told her oldest needed speech therapy. She understood him fine! She was a good mom! But as her second little boy started maturing into talking age, she started to notice a DRASTIC difference between the two of them. Despite parenting them (exactly the same), and despite thinking that boy 1 was fine with his speech development, boy 2 was quickly passing his brother in terms of speech development.
As a Mommy we are really close to these situations and sometimes it takes a bit of an outside look to try to decide if there is something wrong. Now is not the time to feel guilty, because, like the example I told, it has nothing to do with parenting. (And I’m not saying there is anything wrong with Noah’ speech either). Maybe it would be best to see a therapist just to get their opinion? A second opinion to the doctor’s but not necessarily committing to sessions with the therapist. You’re right, the doctor didn’t have the best opportunity to hear or get to know your son, but maybe you shouldn’t discount what he is saying either. Going to a therapist doesn’t mean you think your son has a speech problem, just that you want to make sure he is getting any helps he needs if it is even possible that he needs help.
Anyway, I don’t want to sound preachy! And I don’t want to write a novel (but I did anyway). This just reminded me so much of my friend’s story that I wanted to share it with you. Of course I love you and think you are an incredible Mom. Whether Noah needs speech therapy or not doesn’t change that one bit! xo
If you decide to try it, the first appointment(or the first two) will be an eval to determine if he actually needs services. It’s not a commitment to actually do the therapy.
You can try that and see what the specialist has to say. That will give you a more accurate view on what he needs, rather than a doctor’s appointment that didn’t go so well.
You might take him and be told that he doesn’t need any therapy.
Or you might take him and find out that therapy is recommended.
But, you’d have more insight into what is going on and be better able to make a determination on what you want to do.
Thanks, Shell. That’s what we are leaning toward, I think. We’ve talked about it and just to be on the safe side, and to make sure that there isn’t an issue that needs to be worked out. I’d rather take him now, get him whatever help he might need than wait 4 or 5 years and end up with a whole slew of problems that could have been fixed earlier. Thanks for your insight. Always appreciated. 🙂
I have had experiences like that as well. With Madeline it was weight gain and I questioned if I was feeding her enough, or feeding her the right foods. I felt like the doctor was blaming me for her not gaining enough. Turns out she is just a skinny kid, but it took about 6 months of weight checks before the doctor would agree with me.
With Owen they were concerned about his speech at 15 months. By the age of two they were no longer concerned but now they are again. He uses me, her, us and him rather than I, she, we and he. Apparently by the age of 3 he should be doing that correctly. We are in wait and see mode right now but at the next appointment they may reccomend an evaluation for him.
And then comes Ben. My little baby Ben who has no desire to talk yet. At 15 months he was supposed to have 3-5 words and he had maybe 2. At 18 months they want him to have 8-10. Right now, at almost 17 months he has maybe 3. I see a speech evaluation in my future for him as well.
I struggle with milestones and expectations as well. I feel like there is a push for all kids to be above average, nothing less will do. Therefore unless a child is doing exactly what that milestone is the doctor becomes concerned. Some kids take longer to get there and there is nothing wrong with them and it feels like doctors, or at least the one I see, don’t agree that some kids simply need more time. If they don’t hit their milestone on time it becomes a concern almost immediatly. But on the other hand I don’t want my children to struggle. I am torn on what we will do if we are reccomended a speech evaluation for the boys. While it won’t hurt anything, I also wonder if I simply give them more time if they will start to speak, and speak correctly on their own.
I am still unsure of what we will do in December at Ben’s 18 month checkup.
I think taking little guy to see a speech therapist for the initial meeting wouldn’t hurt. If they suggest continuing you can decide what’s right for you guys. But I’m betting he’ll go in calm and eloquent and the evaluator will ask what you’re doing there!
Thanks Sam! I think we’re going to give that a try, the evaluation, and see what a professional who specializes in speech therapy. Someone who will know what to look for and can give a full evaluation. 🙂 Thanks for your encouragement! So appreciated!
I know you probably haven’t been keeping up with my blog and what’s been happening with Adam, but this year he was diagnosed with a feeding disorder, issues in sensory development and motor skills, and is in feeding therapy, Occupational therapy and will probably be starting speech therapy very soon. For me I knew something was wrong with his feeding issues because he wasn’t gaining enough weight and he was only eating baby food and yogurt. I was glad about getting help, but one thing I did not expect was them telling me he had other developmental problems as well.
No mother wants their baby to be behind, but I have learned that none of this is my fault. I used to think I was an awful mother because I was not able to breastfeed, but now I know why. He was not able to latch on because he has low muscle tone in his cheeks, that is something they are also working on in therapy so he can eat better too. but you know what, there is nothing I could have done to prevent that. He was born that way.
As far as the sensory and motor skills, again not my fault this is just an area of the brain he is behind in. Adam is almost 18 months and does not talk. He makes noises that I have been told sound like monkey, but does not talk. Yes, it hurts me, but is it my fault? No. Is it your fault that your son might need speech therapy? Of course not! And believe it or not I have learned that it is actually pretty normal, especially in boys. Only you know your child, and know if he needs the help, but don’t let fear prevent you from doing it if need be. It will be very beneficial and nothing you should be embaressed about. 🙂
If you think it might make you feel better you can read my post about all of Adam’s problems here: http://www.singingthroughtherain.net/2011/09/my-little-boy-is-in-therapy.html And of course if you have any questions about therapy or anything else just let me know! We are all here for you..
Thanks girl for sharing all of this. We’ve (the husband and I) agreed that maybe a second opinion would be best. Someone who specializes in speech and can get to know our son in an open and less frightening environment. It’s better to handle something like that now, then years from now when it might cause him more issues. Hugs for you, too! I know that his feeding issues can’t be easy to deal with either.
This will be totally fine and you haven’t done anything wrong. It can’t hurt to see a therapist– many kids need speech therapy, esp boys.
My son gets early intervention (excellent ny state program) for occupational & physical therapies. Just delayed physical milestones. He’s catching up & doing great. Try not to worry!
Thank you, Wendy! I’ve talked to a lot of mama’s and never realized so many boys had speech trouble. I’ve always heard boys and walkers and girls are talkers…guess that’s true. 🙂
There’s nothing worse than going through the if scenario. I agree with the above commenter…go with your mommy gut. If you don’t know for sure, it never hurts to get a second opinion. A lot of times that clears everything right up!
Absolutely. Second opinions are invaluable. I think that’s the route we are going to go. Just to be on the safe side.
Oooh I want to reach through here and give you a big hug. I am guessing you know by now we went through the same thing with Ryan. We were recommended to OT but I just felt that he needed more time and putting him in front of a stranger wouldnt help one bit. Its hard to feel like you are failing with your child in any area, I felt that way a LOT and still do sometimes. But go with your mommy gut you’ll be good. PRAY a lot too that always helps!
Thanks girl! As much as you never want to see someone else’s child struggle, it helps to know that I’m not the only one dealing with this.