Breaking Point
It’s really hard for me to write this post. For me to open up, admit to my struggle and finally take the steps to do something about it. It’s been a long time coming, something that I’ve worked on occasionally, only in passing, and then given up and pretended that it didn’t bother me. I’ve ignored it, I’ve avoided it, and I’ve hidden behind various excuses.
This weekend I finally hit my wall…my breaking point.
Yesterday afternoon we were getting ready to take little man to the indoor pool here on base. As I was getting him dressed, I realized that the thought of putting on a swimsuit and going out in front of anyone, my husband included, almost made me sick. I stood in front of the mirror while I was putting on my makeup and gave myself a good long look.
I’ve let my weight get out of control.
I’m not insanely overweight. In fact, according to that little height/weight chart that’s online, I’m not even outside of the “normal and healthy range” for my height. But, most of you would agree, that it’s really NOT about number. I wouldn’t care if I weighed 200 pounds…as long as that 200 pounds fit me and my size. And let me say, where I am now…doesn’t fit my stature.
And it broke me down yesterday. I stood and stared for a while. Looking at the way my clothes fit, tight and bunched up…pushing different areas up and out in ways that aren’t at all flattering. Leaving me feeling uncomfortable in what I wear; making my clothes and my pants fit tightly and sometimes painfully when I sit down (you all know that feeling…you’re bloated or packing a few extra pounds…and your jeans just won’t stop cutting into you? It’s not fun, but we’ve all been there).
I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be defined by my weight; I don’t want to become so uncomfortable in my size and my weight that I stop going places, stop doing things, and basically just eat my way to depression. I’ve seen it happen, and it’s not pretty.
Obesity and weight control issues run in my family. My mom, my grandmother, my aunts, my dad’s side of the family…big bones and slower metabolisms seem to reign supreme in our genes. But, up until a few months ago, that was never really an issue for me. I made myself workout off and on (never consistently) and somewhat watched what I ate. But, since we’ve moved to Alaska, since we’ve gotten here, gotten in a routine of rain and dreariness all day almost everyday, it’s hard to find the inspiration and motivation to get up and get moving.
I’ve been so beyond inspired by the Thinner Thursday posts that Laura has been doing over at her blog “Mommy Miracles.” She’s tackled these same feelings and she’s DOING something about it.
Running is always something I’ve wanted to do. Not in a competitive kind of way, but just something that I’ve always wanted to have as an exercise and mental outlet. She’s really been pushing me and scraping away that fear of running these past few weeks. Her Couch to 5K journey is so ridiculously inspiring.
I’ve always been told that I “wasn’t a runner.” When I played softball in high school, I remember my parents and some of the other parents all laughing and making comments about the way that I run and how slow I was. I’m sure they probably didn’t mean anything by it, but it’s haunted me most of my life. Every time the desire to get out, hit the pavement and just run has entered my mind, those words…those laughs…echoed in my head. So I pushed the thoughts back and went on my way.
Well, not anymore.
I’m not going to become that person.
I’m not going to be held back and defined by my weight.
So today, it starts.
Better eating habits, cutting the crap out of my life (food wise) and exercise.
It’s been a long time coming, but sometimes you just have to let life hit you in the face before you are really and truly ready to change.
What was your breaking point? What habits were you forced to change?
I too struggle with weight loss issues. Because I am older (45), it’s so much harder to lose the weight. Working a full tiem job and caring for a husband and four children leave little time for myself. Adult diabetes run in my family and I am at risk. I know I need to watch what I eat, but being an emotional eater, it’s been hard. I continue to try to make little changes along the way — drinking more water, walking, cutting back on sugar. It’s not been easy, but I find lots of encouragement from others!
Best of luck to you, girl! This family hit a turning point with Mike’s dad getting sick and we haven’t looked back. We’re a totally organic household free of processed foods and high fructose corn syrup and we’ve never felt better. Feels really good to know my kids are eating only things that are healthy for their little bodies. I still haven’t quite figured out what exercise works for me and my lifestyle just yet but I need to find something soon. I need to be more active. But I loathe running so I’ll be leaving that to you guys. 🙂
It seems whenever I get serious about sticking to a workout routine, my apple cart is upset with some parenting/work/military life unruly donkey. Can I hitch a ride on your cart?
We all have that point, where we are just shocked at the reflection we see staring back at us. I know it’s happened to me, very recently and the past few days I have decided to try to make a change. I participated in the “30 day shred” with a bunch of blogging gals, I thought it would motivate me. But somehow I got lost in denial about how much work I really needed to put in. Ugh. Well I’m right there with you. We can do this!
You go girl! I can say that I’ve put on weight before I remember pulling it off. Recently, one of my coworkers said to me, “oh you’re one of those skinny types – you don’t have to worry about gaining weight.” Um…Oh yes I do. I don’t go to the gym as often as I do, but it’s one of those lifestyle changes where you learn to pace yourself while eating and learn that working out is part of the deal. My biggest motivation is my family because I see how they haven’t taken care of themselves…they are my future if I don’t pay attention. But you’ll do great. If there’s one thing I know about you – it’s that once you commit, you’ll do it! So you go girl!
Good for you! Exercise will make you feel so much better! I’ve heard a lot of great things about the couch to 5K program. My breaking point came a few months ago and I’ve been exercising fairly consistently and eating well (I’ve never really had an unhealthy diet) but the weight just isn’t coming off! I feel better and healthier but the weight is still there. 🙁 I’m thinking about trying HCG shots… I’ve heard a lot of good things so maybe it will give my metabolism the kick it needs! I’m going to Zumba tonight! You should try it… it’s so fun!
Did I write this post? Everything you have written is how I feel. I have yet to hit my breaking point but I feel it’s coming quickly. I’m dying to start running, I just need to get off my ass and do it. I know YOU can! 🙂
I am there too! Up until December of last year I was holding steady at a great weight for me and not only that but the way my clothes fit were perfect then the holidays came and I put on about 5 pounds but I was like no biggie, I’ll be eating better soon and I’ll drop it easily just like I always have.
Yeah, 8 months later and I have put on an extra 5 pounds but thats not what really bothers me, its the way my clothes are fitting that bothers me. Whats making this worse is that I haven’t changed anything; my eating habits are still good, they could always be better but they haven’t changed from what I was doing a year ago and the same with my excersie, I LOVE to work out and do so 6 days a week, but for some reason I can’t seem to get the weight or inches to drop.
I am thinking that age has taken over and my metabolism, what I had anyway, is just gone! I start out doing so good and then something happens and I’m forced to eat out a lot or eat what someone else may have cooked which wouldn’t be so bad if I could just make conseten healthy choices.
I too have family that have big bones and tend to run towards overweight. My own mother has always been overweight and I know I could easily be that way too if I am not careful!
Lets motivate each other!!! WE can do this! And think of the healthy habits you will be teaching your son!
Oh girl. I have most definitely been there. Most definitely. It is so hard being uncomfortable in your own body – never wanting to walk by a mirror, rarely wanting to be intimate with your husband, not even liking the feeling of your body when you lay down to go to sleep.
I am so angry that people made comments about your running. Seriously angry. I know that the hardest part of starting any exercise outside the house (running, joining a gym, doing a workout class) is dealing with the self-conscious issues. That internal battle is enough to keep someone home, not to mention the added stress of OTHER people’s comments. I pray you can ignore those memories.
If you do start running and you go along a path that many people run, you’ll be pleasantly surprise by how many other runners smile at you as you pass. It was those smiles that got me through the self-confidence issues I was feeling. And if you see no smiles, know that I am proud of you from afar!
I have so much faith in you. If you put your mind to it, you can ROCK your health. Don’t let it take over your life, but if you ever need encouragement, I am here. And if you’re looking for a free way to track what you are eating, try sparkpeople or myfitnesspal (I’m on myfitnesspal), or if you’re looking to pay, I have found Weight Watchers to be the best thing! I don’t even go to the meetings, I just pay for the online tools (although many people swear by the meetings).
I hope that this is the first step to you LOVING you! xo
Thank you, Laura! I hope you already know how much I greatly appreciate ALL of your encouragement so far, in SO MANY different ways!
I am going through this same thing now. Like you, I’m not categorized as overweight but my weight isn’t where it should be, ya know? People say I look great, but that’s only because they see me with my clothes on, lol. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone girlie! -Christy
Thank you, Christy! I feel the same way. People compliment my size, but it’s only because of my clothing. And even THAT is getting to be a little snug. I hope you’ll find some encouragement in the posts that are to come about my journey!!