No Mom Talk Monday-Truth One

If you are here for No Mom Talk Monday…WELCOME! Grab a button, some coffee and go sit in the corner {or on the couch or wherever you can find a quiet space…if anywhere} and get some YOU time! This is the time during the week where you leave the motherhood and the parenting behind for a few minutes and just talk about YOU. Whatever you want. I’ll even let you talk about your husband…but this is meant to be a time for you to get back to the aspects of you that sometimes get pushed to the wayside.

For me today, I’ll be writing out one of the “truths” from my 30 Days of Truth Challenge {for more information about the challenge and to join the community…click here}.

Like many of you who have already started the challenge, I’m a little intimidated by the bluntness of the first question…something you hate about yourself.

Hate is a strong word. I don’t use hate…well, ever. There are, however, several things that I truly dislike about myself.

I don’t like that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s a good thing that I’m so passionate and that I feel things so deeply…but it’s really a bad thing most of the time. Growing up, I got my feelings hurt really easily. And even now, sometimes I still do. I let things that shouldn’t bother me. When Hubby and I first got married, everything he said effected me. If he didn’t show just the right amount of enthusiasm over something, it broke my heart. If he showed too much, I assumed he was lying. If he said something the “wrong way” it made me cry. This is a nasty, nasty habit that I work hard to control. I still struggle with it sometimes but with the husband being gone for the past 6 1/2 months, it is something that I have had to force myself to keep in check. If I allowed this to over power me, our marriage would have really struggled.

And by being so passionate about things and wearing my feelings so close to my heart, I get hurt a lot. When something happens or when we get good news, I jump all in. Like with this move to Alaska…hubby told me that’s where we were going and I’ve dove into it head first. If things were to change {and, if you know how the military is, they very well could}, it would really upset me. If things don’t go like I plan them sometimes, it tears me up. Which leaves me feeling [and looking…yikes] like an emotional basket case most days.

I also dislike the fact that I am insecure. Sure I may seem all bright, cheery and bubbly on the computer…but if I were to meet you in person, I would be hesitant, shy and maybe even seem standoffish. I worry about what people think. I am slowly but surely getting over this habit-with much help from my flippant husband-but it is a work in progress. I don’t like that I let me fear of what others think of me hold me back. I worry that when people look at my photography they secretly think I should throw in the towel. If I wear a cute new outfit and go out to eat or something, I am constantly worrying that people who walk by are thinking or whispering that I look ridiculous. I have an uncanny fear of becoming “that mom.” You know…the one who wears clothes that don’t fit or clothing she obviously pulled from her teenage daughters closet [Think the Tide Stain Release commercial with the Green Shirt…] ::Shiver:: I never want to be her.

I dislike that I allow insecurity to keep me from doing things that I know I would excel in. When I was in high school, I never ran for Student Council or anything because I always just assumed I wouldn’t win because I wasn’t part of the “in” crowd and I was terrified of rejection. These fears overtook me and I used my insecurity to seek out really unhealthy relationships and do things that I am not proud of.

I dislike that I am self conscious about my body but won’t make time to fix the things I don’t like. For starters I allow myself to make comparisons to super models and celebrity moms who have nannies raising their children so they can hit the gym 6 million times a day or pay oodles of cash for tummy tucks and breast implants. That isn’t reality. But I do it anyway. And then, when a free moment comes and I could squeeze in a cardio DVD or the 30 Day Shred, I would rather sit and watch TV…because  I never do. And then I feel lazy. Which I also dislike.

I dislike that I was able to come up with so many things that I dislike.

Make sure that you include the No Mom Talk Monday button in your post as well as a 30 Days of Truth button [if you are doing a truth for No Mom Talk…] You can also find the full list of ladies doing the Truth Challenge in the Community!